FINALLY!

(financial flattening and flamingos)

I don't talk about this much. Only a few of my closest peeps have heard me grumble in any detail about money, but we've lived on the precarious wire above not quite making it on the one side and really not making it on the other for most of our married lives. I have a good job, but hubby, between mental health issues and lack of training has had a lot of trouble holding anything. Two years ago, in 2008, he was laid off and we committed to him going to school to learn an employable skill (YAY!)



But our precarious position became that much harder. Then last year, the University had a wage freeze, so I didn't get my measly 3% increase that has NEVER matched the cost of living increase.



A lifetime of decent credit made 'getting by' work for a while, but I have to admit, the prospect of my first advance check seemed like a dreamy answer to at least some small portion of my financial questions. But I got this deal in JUNE. The contract was signed in August (already snails pace).



FINALLY, last night, the advance check came (I drove downtown to deposit it same night). The scary thing is it was BARELY in time. I have been mondo stressed over this.  Man, am I looking forward to paying all my bills right when I get them for a couple months!

Fictional Paths



I also have some groundwork to lay for being a PUBLISHED author. I need to pay for my web domain (and figure out how to make a website), I need to buy the tax software so this doesn't end up COSTING as much as I MAKE on it (because I understand the deductions are pretty darned important for making the money go further—like even deducting the little corner of my basement that holds my computer and provides such scary inspiration... too bad I can't deduct the bathtub... darned those other people who use it!





Facing Fears

So I did something that is possibly reckless yesterday. I entered the contest to guest blog for Nathan. You know, THE Nathan... well other than THE THE Nathan (whose butt is pictured here)... but the literary Nathan. I probably won't get it and nothing will come of it, but I have great fear of being a wannabe. I really HATE the kiss-ass, “MEEEEEEE” thing that sometimes goes on among his commenters (not all--most seem normal, but there are some regular irritants in there). But still, I felt compelled. I think it is because I want to be like my long-lost twin Simon who earned Nathan recognition and a bizillion followers (not that I admit to being after followers EXACTLY, but I do wanna be like Simon...)



Anyway... if it gets posted THERE, I will send you. If it DOESN'T, I will eventually post it HERE...

Goods on The Contract

I waited on this until today, because I wasn't clear on a couple things. The BIGGIE is language that says I can't use my pseudonym in any OTHER promotional advertising, etc. which sent me into a panicked spiral as to whether I could use it for website, blog, etc. (as those--one in existence, the other only conceptual as of yet--are INTENDED to work for ALL my work).  I worried briefly that I'd have to take the pen name off my blog, facebook, etc. But I contacted Ellen (my agent) with my questions, and my primary concern—HELLO... all this promotional effort as HART—won't that help with book sales for ALYSE? (see how clever I was?  Always disguise your own self interest as the questionee's self interest... it is part of my Naked World Domination plans.)  So now I can get naked... and wet...



I officially have permission from Berkeley to include Alyse on my HART blog and HART website (did you see my wipe my brow there?  I was seriously worried... it happens when you get naked before you know if nudists are allowed). I just can't use it to push other works (except in communication with agents/publishers to prove my track record).



So THERE! Now I can talk about it.





First, A Confession



My only college 'C' was business law. Yes... to some of you this makes me a hopeless geek and to some of you, you are BAFFLED that I didn't get straight As, but there you have it... I was an A/B student with an aversion for law.



I suppose that's not so surprising, given who I am, and how averse I am to rules in all OTHER forms. Why should I keep stuff in my head I never intend to honor?  And what the heck does that mean to me where a contract is concerned, besides the fact I will have a heck of a time understanding it because I DON'T LIKE RULES!

Contrarian Me



But when it comes to something I SIGN... see, now THAT is different. If I give my WORD then I am going to honor it, even if that is a form of rule-following. Signing, even if I am signing onto RULES makes it personal and I am obligated.



Which of course means I HAVE to understand the darned thing.





That is why with this contract I wanted to really understand what I was signing on for before signing my name... and ONE of those details was whether Alyse had to go underground or not. Fortunately, she doesn't.  You know what THAT means?  I get to SHARE with you!!!!





Some Stats





Requirements



Books: 3 for now... if any more, ALL to be renegociated.

Words per book: 75K

Dates: Dec 31, 2010, Sept 30, 2011, June 30, 2012



Rates: So this is secret so it's in secret code—you remember how this works, right? If you want to break the rules and look at the dollars, HIGHLIGHT.

Advance: $5,000 per book, split over CONTRACT, Book to Publisher, and Book Published.

Royalty rates (based on cover price):

Hard Copy: 10% for 1st 5,000; 12.5% next 5K; 15% thereafter. (10% exports)

Mass Market: 8% first 150K, 10% after (5% export)

Hard Copy Book Club (sold at 60% or more discount from cover): 5% received by publisher

NOTE: I am never buying at Sam's Club or Target... man, I had no CLUE how much less the author got. Repeat after me: discount at bookstore, fine. Non-bookstore BAD. Just say NO to Wallmart!

Back to the rates:

Trade Paperback (what most of these will be, by the way): 7.5% (unless at 52% discount, then 5%)

Publisher e-Books: 25%

E-books sold to others 30% (but 30% of what publisher gets which is less)

Movie rights-depends how much is 'book specific' versus broad concept.

So there.



That is the goods on a contract of the variety where the idea originated with the publisher, but the writing is done by the writer.

Bad Poetry and Contracts

So yesterday was Bad Poetry Day. I bet you didn't even know there WAS a bad poetry day. I know I hadn't. But my friend Sketchie (the SPAZ, you may recall) pointed it out, so I proceeded to write the following:



I hope that I shall never sit

beside an ocean full of... rotten food.

The smell that wafts upon the air

Is worse than wearing underwear.



Of course that isn't the first time I've written bad poetry. I am relatively adept at the limerick. Here is an early work from my Harry Potter days:



St. Patrick's Day Limerick (blame Tara, she got me started)

James was the Marauder who loved Lily

Sometimes it made him act silly

He gave her the eye

To let her know he's not shy

but she threatened to cut off his [rhymes with silly]





Sirius Black was the hot one

An unusual day when he got none

They've been lining up

Since he was a pup

And the consensus has been that it's awesome





Poor remus just howled at the moon

Not knowing that poor ladies swooned

His honor too much

His love life a bust

But fandom adoration is his boon





And then we have young master Pettigrew

We wrinkle our nose like he's mildew

Did he really go bad

Or was he a bit mad

But in the end at least he get's his due





Full circle, we're now back at James

Or Prongs in Marauding names

He stood up for his friends

To the darkest of ends

but his legacy's certainly no shame





So anyway, I invited my friends to write bad poetry and had this entry by our own buddy B. Miller:

O, Fickle Peep!

Why doest thou flitter hither and thither so?

Art thou mad?

...No!

Thou art simply puffy.





Thine grit is so sweet!

Make love to my tummy, O Peep!





O yes, your eyes shall be plucked,

your body burned.



(pastoral, I think... for Easter)





And Lance, (Sketchie's brother... a fact I find suspicious) wrote a series of

"Haiku For Real Men":



Driving down the street

I see a smokin' hot chick

I whistle at her









Drank too many beers

I bend over the toilet

And puke my guts out





Joris did some translating:



Chirp chirp - chirp chirp chirp

chirp chirp chirp - chirp chirp

chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp

...chirp chirp chirp





Chirp

etc.



(the above is a translation of the poem "De mus", by Jan Hanlo)



and wrote an original:



Yes, no, please



No, yes, yes, no

yes, no

yes, no

Oh sod it.

...Dinner!



And then Kerry contributed this:



work was going slow last night

call for thunderstorms don't give us much fright

suddenly there was a call that was rather dire

as it turns out; the canopy was on fire!



And LeaAnne (not to be confused with Leanne) added:



Potty training is hell

The built up gas has an awful smell

If I just hold my breath

He'll be successful yet

At least that was what the doctor did tell



And then here is my final entry, followed by an EXPLAINER!



Forty-seven pages

mangled gibberish

binds us

eternally





Taking my power

swearing me to subserviance

I jump for joy

It's my contract!





You heard me... contract arrived last night. I read it and sent a set of questions to my agent, though was rather impressed that I understood at least 90% of the words and 20% of their meaning. I will get it mailed later today, after making my copies. Very exciting!





Say... it's my grandpa's birthday!  (or would be--he would be 91)

Thursday's Descent

Into Insanity, I mean... Y'all KNOW about Thursdays around here... Delusional... Naked... and TODAY is Thursday of a NEW month (sadly ending my FAVORITE month, but ending to go onto my favorite DAY dampens the blow a bit. Well not a bit... have I told y'all about bit?--I'll get there...)



But for my FIRST feat of Madness



Murder*by*4 had a list of words yesterday that were SHOUTING for a story. So here we go.

Delwin's lamprophonic depone was just getting underway, his erinaceous hair suggesting he might be a pronk, but that was inaniloquence, or even phenakism. Delwin, a rastaquouere from Greece* had been subject to floccinaucinihilipilification, but he'd gone from nudiustertian mungo to mesonoxian limeranographer. His reputation for scopperloit did not make his testimony less believable. In fact the jury found him selcouth. Little did they know by dusk he would be pulveratrocious and suffer tyrotoxism.

* Greece chosen based on definition and blog visit frequency



And if you want to know what all that madness MEANS, remember the super-secret spy blog-reader code? (highlight below for the definitions from Murder*by*4).

Erinaceous: Like a hedgehog

Lamprophony: Loudness and clarity of voice

Depone: To testify under oath

Finnimbrun: A trinket or knick-knack

Floccinaucinihilipilification: Estimation that something is valueless. Proper pronunciation based on Latin: flockə-nowsə-nəkələ-pələ-fək-ation.

Inaniloquent: Pertaining to idle talk

Limerance: An attempt at a scientific study into the nature of romantic desire.

Mesonoxian: Pertaining to midnight

Mungo: A dumpster diver; one who extracts valuable things from trash

Nihilarian: A person who deals with things lacking importance (pronounce the ‘h’ like a ‘k’).

Nudiustertian: The day before yesterday

Phenakism: Deception or trickery

Pronk: A weak or foolish person

Pulveratricious: Covered with dust

Rastaquouere: A social upstart, especially from a Mediterranean or Latin American country; a smooth untrustworthy foreigner

Scopperloit: Rude or rough play

Selcouth: Unfamiliar, rare, strange, marvelous, wonderful.

Tyrotoxism: To be poisoned by cheese

Widdiful: Someone who deserves to be hanged

Zabernism: The abuse of military power or authority.

Story Board Progress



Isn't it FABULOUS? Know what I totally didn't expect? My refusal to give up the killer. HA! So anyway... the different-colored post-its mostly resemble clues (or actions pointing toward clues) of different suspects. The SIZE doesn't really mean anything... I just had to use both sizes to keep each suspect a different color. Those first two, nearly blank boxes just represent the chapters I've already done... And I sorta like this process, though admittedly, I PLANNED to do it, made the NOTES to do it, then wrote two chapters before I DID it. (partially a desk issues thing, partially a time thing).





Pox on Blue Cross!!!



So I have my 19th wedding anniversary later this year. Last spring I got a notice of an AUDIT from BCBS for my dependents. Fine. There is a list of things to prove my kids are my kids. And a list of things to prove I live with my husband. And only ONE FREAKING BLASTED BLOODY THING they will take as proof we are MARRIED.



For 19 years the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA'S most anal retentive body, the INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE has taken my freaking WORD on the matter, but Blue Cross wants my freaking (need I say missing?) marriage certificate.



Since getting married we have moved 4 times. I am NOT sentimental about that ANYWAY. So at some point, probably 18.5 years ago, the thing got shoved in a box and I HAVE NO CLUE where it is. My irritation though, is that until NOW, I HAVE NEVER NEEDED IT. Why, if the damn GOVERNMENT has record (or believe me, we'd have been reamed on taxes) can this blasted CORPORATE entity refuse to take ANY OTHER EVIDENCE. That is the ONLY PROOF they will take.



While we're AT IT, I am sending a POX on the University of MICHIGAN for AGREEING to this stupidity. And the lesson to ALL OF YOU is if you are setting something up where people need to PROVE something, GIVE THEM MORE THAN ONE WAY!



*cough* rant over





BuNoWriMo ended at midnight. I made my word count (50,846? something like that). The book has holes. It is the way of WriMos, but that is my sixth book complete. I am now turned fully to the Cozy mentioned above.



The BURROW, with this success behind us, plans to start a multi-authored blog ON MONDAY, so watch for us. I take first shift—we have... 6 or 7 of us involved—very different styles, but these are not my favorite people on the planet for nothing. I think you'll love them!

And A Bit of What Y'all Have Been Waiting For!



Aussies are world MASTERS at innuendo. If you have never hung with an Aussie, I would venture to say you've never hung. EVERYTHING has a sexual connotation (I love that about them). The two that are easiest to catch somebody unawares with though, are bit and root.



Bit: noun. Derivation: a bit on the side. (ie somebody you're boinking that you maybe oughtn't be)



Root: verb. Synonyms: shag, screw, 'do' *cough * those are the cleaner ones anyway... this is emphasized by the joke that is more effective orally than written, because of that pesky comma giving it away....



How is a man like a wombat?

(How is a man like a wombat?)

He eats roots and leaves. (you can probably spot where the conspicuous comma goes)



So now you are edjumakated.



HA!  And I need to tally who won the Tartiversary critique... I will let you know tomorrow!

Mind is Still Missing!

[Whereby the Tart tries to tie up loose ends without finding them *cough*]

Where I Write



Late last week I could SWEAR I found a blog asking where people wrote and to post about it by Friday then to go THERE and put a link ON Friday... I thought it was Editorial Ass—it is the kind of thing she would do... but I don't see it. Am I making this up? Did anybody see it?



If in fact I am NOT making this up, I would just like to share... about 80% of my writing happens right here. Oh, I know... it looks pathetic and like the only bathroom in a house where people really could use two or three, but until I am rich and famous, this is just how it is... My writing desk (aka: the bathtub) (and yes, that is also a hard lemonade waiting for me... got to keep the gears lubricated...)

Mr. Tart's Milestone



On Sunday my hubby finished his CNA course and got a little certificate. He still has to sit the state boards for it, but the class part is done. He enjoyed the class. It seemed like very nice people both teaching and in class with him. I also have a FABULOUS character idea (a scapegoat—the person BLAMED if you will) for the Armageddon novel I have planned. (Health care workers are easy to pick on, as they are on the front lines).



Anyway, Mr. Tart, former punk rocker (you can tell here, right?) was very hesitant... always... about ANY training. He hasn't had a great deal of confidence, but he loves this. He's a natural caretaker, and will make a great nurse when the time comes. He still has three more prerequisites, but hopefully this time next year he will have applied and we just need to wait for his name to come up.





Alyse Carlson



I had an email chat with MY EDITOR yesterday (she is fabulous). She wrote suggesting a couple pen names, but I asked if it was okay if I used one related to my grandmas. I specifically requested Ally Calrson, but also showed her my options... She wanted me to either go with Alyse Carlson or Sylvia Olsen... I chose Alyse Carlson, as that was I was originally thinking. I'm not terribly concerned if people pronounce it wrong... If I am in a situation where people are using it for my name, I will probably request to be called Ally ANYWAY, and Alyse is more clearly my grandma, so I have my dedication in line...

Confuzzlegasted Tart

If you're not clear on the meaning of confuzzlegasted, I suggest you look here, though to me it is one of those words that seems to give off its meaning just by looking at it. How am I confuzzlegasted? I'm losing days again... or rather refusing to lose them, no matter how hard I try.

I have a guest author the 15th, and was ALL SET to post her blog today... you know... the 15th... it's probably good I haven't received it yet, or here it would be. But you know what TODAY ISN'T the 15th!



You know, last time this happened seemed SO SIMILAR... I don't know if it is weekends, or guest authors, or months with 30 days... but whatever the case I think I've finally got it straightened out. Any of you lose days or steal days or anything like that? Is this evidence of descending into author madness?

In Other News...



The main plot of the Cozy is outlined. Now you REAL outliners would look at what passes for me as an outline and call me a poser—it isn't super detailed, more of a TIMELINE really... In fact... TIMELINE is just what I outa call it. Then I won't feel nearly so much like a rule-follower. So the timeline is done for the MAIN PLOT (which in a murder mystery would be the murder investigation *cough*). But I need to overlay two additional timelines... there is the action they are SUPPOSED to be doing (photography and interviews for a magazine feature) and the timeline of relationship tensions (because I can't let everybody be HAPPY while they solve this, can I? BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)



I am going to try something new on this book. Terry Odell wrote one recently where she created a storyboard with post it notes for things she WAS going to stick in and things she might... clues, red herrings... all that stuff. I think the nice thing about it, is it makes it so easy to rearrange things a little big—just move the post-it, easy peasy. I should note that I have no plans to DRAW anything... It might be amusing, but I'd never be able to re-decipher what it was I meant... I don't have any visual art skills to speak of.



So I've got a poster board and a couple colors of post it notes and think I'm going to give it a shot...





BuNoWriMo progress

On THIS front, I'm GLAD we haven't gotten to the halfway mark in the week. I'm really pleased with how the story is shaping up but I can feel it has gotten to the hard part. There is just a place in a book that it gets much harder to write and I've arrived. My plan at this point is a little vague



So if anybody is wondering, it is June 14th--my cousin's birthday, now that I put that in writing... *note to self:  tell Chris Happy Birthday*  Have a great week!  (last week of school for my childings...)

Cozy Questions Answered!

See how helpful I am!



So a couple of you asked some really great questions yesterday, and a couple MORE people asked me some questions on Facebook and I'm no expert, but I can sure give it a wack...

What the Heck is a Cozy Mystery?



Mysteries come in a variety of flavors—you have your forensic crime novels, your hard boiled detective tales (I am reading The Big Sleep right now), your thrillers that happen to have a mystery in 'em (Girl With the Dragon Tattoo for instance), and your mainstream mysteries... COZY mysteries are for people who don't want all the GORY stuff... they don't want the mind-numbing chemistry of body decomposition, or food digestion. I believe they more often read to solve the crime along WITH the amateur sleuth, so it needs to be solved in a way a very clever amateur could DO IT. Agatha Christie seemed to have been the leader of the genre with Miss Marple... little old lady murder sleuth...

Cozy mysteries are also TOLD with more humor and quirk... they seem to have a couple campy characters, maybe a twist that is just a little 'out there' (but fits with the quirky characters and IF the twist is in place, there is no stretching needed to believe how it fits with the crime).



The pace is a little slower—more time spent on set up and character, rather than a murder on page one (or at least chapter one) which is the rule with most mysteries--mine happens at the END of chapter 2 (off screen, of course). The 'who will die' is more obvious (partially because it is usually on the back of the book, “... until XYZ turns up dead!”



Takes away one piece of mystery, yes, but I think cozy mystery readers don't really want LIKABLE characters to die (a little danger, sure, but not... DEAD!)



MANY (most?) have a sort of side theme... there are pets and hobbies and vocations... were I to do my own idea for the base at some future date I might have a sleuth that is a Parks Ranger, or something... seems to me campers, rafters, etc. end up in situations for a nice 'almost closed room' mystery that could be a real kick, and then I could take rafting trips with my uncle and deduct them [anyone wants to raft the Salmon River in Idaho, let me know, I'll hook you up--I'm serious--my uncle runs a company and it's FUN].





But it doesn't Rhyme with Tart....



Why do I need a pen name at all, then? It's a reasonable question... I mean... I'm WRITING it... BUT... These audition deals are for a SPECIFIC series... they have put out some parameters that the EDITOR at Berkeley Prime Crime came up with, so it isn't the same level of proprietary thing as if I... sent a whole book that I came up with ALL the stuff myself--there is a trade off.  THEIR series, they are willing to chance on me after a certain number of chapters, because THEY have elements they believe in--If I just send... they need to see the whole thing first... or so I understand it. Yes, the parameters are somewhat negotiable, and there aren't a debilitating number of them, but... for instance they told me who the dead guy is and a little about the main protagonist, her colleagues and family... So in the end it is a collaboration. It is NOT as structured as say... the cast of thousands writing James Patterson novels... He gives a whole OUTLINE—I got NOTHING like that... some names and relationships... a Gardening theme, a location: what could I do with it? They've done their market research... they know what niches are promising... and then they pick the voice they think can pull it off that seems to have a PLAN.... (and boy do I ever! *cackles*)

Name Digression



These are the Olsons, Curtis and Ina (3rd generation Americans, I think—Curtis's dad was Sam, as my son is, though that is only a happy coincidence.)



So the Olson and Carlson thing... I don't know how many of you descend from Scandinavian immigrants... the mid 19th century saw A LOT of them... and they immigrated to very odd places... in the case of the Norwegians, Iowa/Minnesota and the Swedes (at least my Swedish family) the Dakotas (The Carlsons have an old county map from their South Dakota county and they were in the same one as Charles Ingalls (THE Charles Ingalls--Laura Ingalls Wilder's dad--this would have been the Little House on the Prairie!)—same time even, as the family names are on the properties, but THAT family (the Carlson's not the Ingalls) moved west, where the Norwegians stayed in Iowa until my grandma decided she needed a little breathing room and went out west to live with an aunt and uncle and date several soldiers at once... not that it is really dating if most of the interaction is by pen... *snickers* (this would be Alyse) But back to names... at the times these immigrations were happening, if you were from Norway and came to the United States, you got to PICK your name... you could be Olson, Larson, or Iverson. If you were Swedish, you could be Hanson, Carlson or Nelson. None of this 'farm you came from' naming they used in the old country! Lets keep this simple! I suspect different generations of immigrants were given different choices... I know Halversons, Jacobsons, Johansons, Ha! I AM a Johnson... sort of... But anyway, THAT is why it looks like we are all related...

Tart Down Under?



I 'google image' Australian men and get this. Who am I to argue with fate... And I'm assured Australian rules football (Go Adelaide crows!) is MUCH more manly than the silly American sport where players are covered in all that pesky padding... Tart under THIS... yeah, I'm not going to argue... he can tackle me and I will take one for the team...



*fans self*  Right.  Australia. Or the UK, or India? I have an unusual network... I began my foray into writing in a place where the International phenomenon of Harry Potter had drawn people from ALL OVER the world. (look at my flag counter—I've had visitors HERE from 83 countries) My WRITER'S GROUP represents seven countries. And I have gotten a resounding 'never seen such a thing' regarding cozy mystery from those three English-speaking countries—until yesterday... My sister in mischief, the ORIGINAL dungeon master, BrioNI CALLED me yesterday from down under... SQUEEEEEE! And she has a new addiction... a mystery writer (who apparently dons a dominatrix costume from time to time) and her description of the books is decidedly COZY. She says in Adelaide bookstores there is a 'mystery and crime' section... so maybe not the sub-genres like the US does for how they are filed, but if someone were to LOOK, cozies are to be found!



That said, I doubt Berkeley Prime Crime is there, so I will have to work out a system to ship books. It's not that I think my network is WEAK in the US, I just think for a US unknown writer, I have an unusual amount of international support, and it kills me to have the first thing I publish be something that I can't use that to help me hit a home run...



And don't forget to come in tomorrow for the PAH-TAY!!!!!

Cozy Contract!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Most of you know I have been going through this PROCESS, and PROCESSES take TIME... But yesterday afternoon I got the call! I can actually talk about this now, can't I? It's so strange, the story has been a half share teasing thing I've done with all of you because I didn't want to jinx it... but here we have it...

Voice Identification



Here we go on record as the freaky exception to the rule... I am apparently one of the exceptions to the rule that 'most people get in through the agent/query' path, and am joining the 1% (I made that number up) who are spotted by their BLOG... But I was SPOTTED by a fellow author, who said, “You have a perfect voice for cozy mystery.” So ELIZABETH, THANK YOU for suggesting I give it a shot! (and letting me read YOUR audition that got you YOUR gig with Penguin, so I had some clue of pace and such)

The audition opportunity came up in February... I have been working through Ellen Pepus of Signature Literary Agency, who agreed to work with me and facilitate the audition...



I wrote my 50 pages (okay, it was 54) and then sent it out to a few of my fellow Burrowers for feedback [huge THANK YOU, Leanne, Chary, Natasha, Tara and Jen! Plus Stefanie--another friend]... polished... asked Elizabeth for a peek as she WRITES the stuff [THANK YOU!]... got HER feedback... then sent to Ellen... got HER feedback... (making revisions at each step).



Somewhere in there I quizzed the people I could find who lived in Virginia (Marie, Dave, Tracy--THANK YOU!)

 Then Ellen sent it on to the editor at Berkeley Prime Crime, whose assessment (after about 4 weeks) was that she liked my voice, but could I make changes along the line of X, Y and Z? (boiled down to slowing introduction of characters and spreading out the necessary back story so it flowed more naturally—or so I took it)



So then we went through the process AGAIN... and sent it back to her... four weeks ago Tuesday... This Monday I emailed Ellen to see if she knew when we might hear (because I was being clever and figuring if she HAD HEARD she would have emailed... *cough*). So yesterday at work, I got the call... “This is Ellen, how are you?” “Good.” “I think you're about to be better.” “SQUEEEEEEEEE!” Actually I think I managed to hold off the LITERAL SQUEEEEEEEEE until I hung up, but I DID make very excited noises and words, and I'm sure I sounded very smart... Right.



It is a THREE BOOK CONTRACT (all around the same characters and this gardening theme—first one due December 31). We talked about deadlines, how the contract worked, how the payments worked (erm... I'm not getting rich, but I HAVE MY FREAKING FOOT IN THE DOOR!) I figure the 'published' credentials are worth an awful lot, as is having a relationship with a real live agent—proving I'm a responsive professional, easy to work with (Oh, I hear you all, rolling your eyes... I know I am DRAWN like a diva, but I swear I can do this piece—I have practice from my day job). It seems to me SOME of the other stuff I write fits among her clients and goals pretty well, and other stuff less so, but I should at LEAST be able to get honest feedback and a recommendation if something ISN'T something she wants to handle.



All in all, I am just so excited I can hardly stand it!







VOTING HERE!  NAME A TART!!!!!



And so... I need a pen name... and my FIRST choice was to use my kid's names.... Nat Samms was the original suggestion I had, but Joris assures me it is unattractive to LOOK at, no matter the font, never mind it is adapted from what I named my children... now I am leaning toward my grandmothers... (I had the best grandmothers anybody ever had)



So the names I have to work with are:



Alyse Olsen (pronounced Alice)

Sylvia Carlson (WENT BY Syd—so renditions on Sydney are also allowed)



I am LEANING toward Alyse Carlson—to include both grandmas (Alyse was the one I was closest too, and I like the idea of GOING BY Ally)



But I am happy to take suggestions/opinions on various names including these four, OR variations of Natalie and Samuel (Talia Samuels is pretty good, though decidedly dressed)



I don't need the one you LIKE best, I need what you think FITS Cozy mystery that is sassy and tartish...







An Obstacle



This does mean I need to figure out the BuNoWriMo thing... I'm SURE I can still win, but do I want to do my 50K FIRST then switch projects? Do one by computer and the other by hand (leaning toward this)? Reconfigure my daily goals so I can do... say the WriMo on weekdays and the cozy on weekends? Become a REBEL and meet the 50K but on two separate works? (while this sounds really appealing, I am thinking I want to be more careful with the cozy—have a cleaner first draft, than to write WriMo pace).



I worked out a Cozy timeline—with my fellow Burrowers helping me, I REALLY hope to have my first draft done mid-August, as a few of my (read: all but one) promised readers have school-related commitments... if I could do 3 chapters a week (which I think I can) that means 6 weeks tops to finish it... at THAT rate, I could start July 1... BUT, I'd like to also have a week to clean up the obvious typos before I send it... so maybe I try to do ONE chapter a week in June, then I only need 5 weeks, then I have a week to polish!



Okay, so I am giving away that I am a harem scarem planner and make things up as I go along... still, it could work, right? I think that is the plan I will go with... One chapter a week means TWO NIGHTS of my bathtub time are COZY... the rest, I can work on the other... we'll see how that goes... whether I can really switch works so easily, but I used to do it all the time, back in my fan fiction lifetime.







Other Weirdness



In my REAL LIFE, it seems like there is a lot of turbulence... people going through crummy crap... I hate my friends to go through crummy crap... and it is HARD to have something GOOD HAPPEN and feel sort of guilty about it. The people I've told have been GREAT, but... you know what I mean, yeah? It's like survivor's guilt or something... I've got big freaking fabulous news but I don't want to seem like an unsympathetic schmo...

Mostly though, I am a giddy fool... I am good at compartmentalizing, and can be honestly sad for someone else in dire straights, then switch gears. Oh, I know... sounds like split personality, but I WAS born on the cusp of Gemini...



Speaking of which... 13 days until my BIRTHDAY and 2 days until the Tartiversary! Y'all should probably just get naked now...

Schrödinger's Cat

I told you I'd been thinking about Schrödinger's Cat. I wasn't lying—I wouldn't lie to you! It's actually a sort of apt application, too, though FIRST: SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!

I've drawn the winner from the giveaway last week and I'd like to congratualate Alica (Fire & Ice)! The light and journal are on their way!





And back to the story of the day...  erm... in a minute...



I think another explanation for my stress lately is the uncertainty of what the next few months will hold. It is this or that, and I won't know until I know... Let me e'splain...



To start off... feeling much better now... Why?



I have Powered Through



The Tart is in STREAM ROLLER form! Obstacles BAHAHA! You're NOTHING! Waiting? POO! I have all the time in the world! Editing? PISH! You don't scare me! I am WRITING!



I think I have all of you to thank for returning my attitude, and this Cracker song, my favorite of theirs, says it fairly perfectly:

I See The Light by Cracker



I'd really like to see you now

In your father's combat boots

I'd really like to be with you

'Cause we could be so dark





It was only for the grace of you

That I got this attitude

I'll show you my gratitude

When I make it through





I see the light at the end of the tunnel now

(I see the light)

Someone please tell me it's not a train

(Train, I see the light)

I see the light at the end of the tunnel now

(I see the light)

No time to speak, no time to explain





Sometimes I imagine you lying in your bed

Sometimes do you imagine too?

Do you sometimes lust

For the grace that others have inside?





The simple peace they make with life

They feel love like some summer's night

Well, I want it too



chorus chorus, blah blah blah (it doesn't really say chorus chorus blah blah blah, you know... it has more words, but they are mostly words already there... *deadpans*)

I love the idea of lusting for the grace that others have inside, the simple peace they make of life. Isn't that a lovely idea? It's like a big sexy Buddha or something.



And in case you're wondering what kind of twist I've gone around, I am practicing SELF TALK. So there... getting all philosophical and stuff... But the way I figure it, you guys REALLY helped pull me up day before yesterday.



Side Assistance



I've also been First Reading my way through some stuff for friends of mine and LOVE the process. When I do that, I become more objective in MY stuff. I notice things that aren't quite right—things about pacing or tension that I have a hard time spotting in my oh-so-familiar manuscripts, but coming back after the more objective read gives me distance.



I also also (yes, two alsos) took Jan's advice... hmmm... how to distinguish the Jans.... both Canadian, both tarts in their way... though I suppose only the one is OFFICIALLY a tart... Maybe I should go with province... Nova Scotia Jan wrote herself a letter of edits to make in the future... THAT allows you to stop worrying about it NOW because you won't forget (or stress about forgetting)... I adopted it and wrote... okay, so my version was more like a list... but it DID help to write it down... release the tension of this 'at some future date' editing project.

So where is the damn cat?



It's coming. You see, I have a PLAN! (a plan you say? I see some of you running away screaming. I know there are some pantsers out there, but I can't abide by pants. I need a PLAN) [never mind that I rarely follow said plan; it still makes me feel better to make one]





THE PLAN



1)  I have two ideas looming, but you KNOW my theory about stewing, yes? The ideas need to stew before they are properly fermented (because who wants to tell a sober tale, ne?) BUT writing SCENES before they are fully fermented actually HELPS this process. I am okay with the fact that these scenes are never recognizable in the final project. They still help me get to know my characters. So until I hear about the cozy (the answer of which is my Cat), I am writing SCENES.



2)  When I HEAR about the Cozy Gig, I reach the point where I know whether the cat is ALIVE (I get the gig) or dead (I don't get the gig). (see how it fits? I won't know whether it's alive or dead until... I find out. Until then, both the alive and the dead exist and I have to plan for them! *snort *)

*   If I GET the gig, I then write the cozy

*   If I DON'T get the gig, I then EDIT LEGACY until June 1



3)  (We're still on Schrodinger's cat—two versions, equally real (or unreal). Because until you know, you never know, eh?) But on BOTH FORKS, as of JUNE 1, the Burrow is doing a NoWriMo (BuNoWriMo)--and you are WELCOME to join us. Our reasoning is that November is a baddish month for anyone educationally affiliated (which is about half of my group if you count students, teachers and other academics)

*   So if I GET the gig, I am going to madly write the book I am SUPPOSED to be writing

*   If I DON'T get the gig, I am going to write the ghost story that is currently stewing.



4)  In JULY I edit. No matter what. The Cozy or Legacy. Then, whichever one goes to FIRST readers, and we get back to being cats.

*   In presence of Cozy, Legacy will be 2nd editing project.

*   In absence of Cozy, Deniability will be 2nd editing project.



5)August I get reader feedback and finalize whichever one is the next polished work for a September send out.



Probably that is as far as I oughta plan...

VIKING POWER!

My friend Mari sent me a post card of wisdom that I received when I got home Sunday night. The Postcard has Viking Laws, and I love it even more for two details. The FIRST is that she taped two pins to it. One says:



Eat My Pants



and the other:



Sverige sugar (translation: Sweden Blows) *snort*





For the record, I am as much Swedish as I am Norwegian, though I've known much more about my Norwegian roots, as that grandma is the one I spent so much time with, and now I have a Norwegian friend/writing sister. But I actually adore this cute little rivalry... I note that it doesn't say DENMARK blows (which is where the actual animosity has a reason to exist, since those pesky Danes spent so many centuries trying to inflict rule on Norway, so I have to think this is more a sibling rivalry kind of thing, and THAT is why I can find it fun.



But the OTHER feature I love about this postcard, is Mari crossed out the word 'Viking' and wrote 'Writer', and then checked them off for me.



*hugs Mari *





So I want to share them with you, so you can become honorary Norsisima with me.

Viking Writer Laws

§1 BE BRAVE AND AGGRESSIVE

Be direct

Grab all opportunities

Use varying methods of attack

Be versatile and agile

Attack one target at a time

Don't plan everything in detail

Use top quality weapons

§2 BE PREPARED

Keep weapons in good conditions

Keep in good shape

Find good battle comrades

Agree on important points

Choose one chief agent

§3 BE A GOOD MERCHANT

Find out what the market needs

Don't promise what you can't keep

Don't demand overpayment

Arrange things so that you can return

§4 KEEP THE CAMP IN ORDER

Keep things tidy and organized

Arrange enjoyable activities which strengthen the group

Make sure everybody does useful work

Consult all members of the group for advice





I ADORE this applied to writing. Mari the Superstar checked me off on all of them, but I can see the benefit of a little more critical analysis.





§1: I feel like here I am doing pretty well—at least since taking on this cozy mystery project, which sort of embodies the spirit of this, I think... a chance came along and I am trying to make the very best of the opportunity, using all my resources... I'm adapting... a ninja of bendiness!



§2: I think here I've done pretty well too. I keep writing ALL the time. I read to try to learn what I don't know (or what I don't even know I need to know—THAT particular pool is VAST). I have the best comrades in the WORLD (and we are all over the world which makes me feel... you know... worldly...)



§3: I think other than feeding into that market assessment thing... I sort of need to write what comes... although I guess this Cozy Mystery thing is another way I am doing this... it is the niche where (hopefully) I can break in.. meeting demand. I also am being extremely careful to be as professional as possible, so I am ALWAYS invited back: provide good work, good product... and hope they want me.



§4: Here I fall down. I have sort of a free form approach to order, and I'm not sure anyone else would recognize it as such. I DO try to hold activities which strengthen the group... but I am not much of a dictator (Naked World Domination aspirations aside) and I am likewise sort of bossy—I WILL be the one in charge... when the bossy person is saying things like... “okay, everybody LIMBO!” I don't know how productive that is. It IS a good time though, and while it may not be enough to make me a full-fledged Viking, I'm pretty sure my Norsisima is in tact.

The Plan

Wait... what plan? Was I supposed to make that?

I always go through life largely flying by the seat of my pantslessness, but it is rare when I am trying to keep so many balls in the air at the same time, and I AM NOT A CLOWN. (though I DO have a really good clown FACE (though not like that scary clown *shivers*) if you ever meet me in person and want to see—but I digress). I have rather infamous (among my immediate family) tunnel vision and really only do one thing at a time, so this whole multi-tasking thing has me a little flummoxed.



So let me describe my balls *cough*

The Cozy Mystery Ball



Say! That sounds like a REALLY fun party! I ought to have one! But at the moment what I mean is this... Four FABULOUS members of the WORLD'S BEST writer's group gave me feedback on my Cozy chapters revision—one sent a series of suggestions on Saturday that I am keeping in mind—all more general. THREE sent line revisions and questions in the form of track changes... so I spent... maybe two hours yesterday going paragraph by paragraph, looking at all four versions (their three, plus MY hard copy that I'd made notes for other the other suggestions, plus a 'sentence simplification' that was more general feedback from one who ALSO sent the line-edits) SLOW going.



I DID learn some things about British English versus American English (Natasha and Tara both learned BE, living in India and Wales respectively) and some things about colloquialisms. A few times they cracked me up when more than one would point at the same thing. Tara kept me motivated by snorting. I always like a good snort. And at the moment I feel like chapters 1 and 2 are SIGNIFICANTLY clearer, better, cleaner, than they were this time yesterday. I still have 3 and 4 to get through this way, then a final polish, before sending the chapters back to MY AGENT on Wednesday night (or such is the plan).

The Legacy Query Ball



I know, right? Who would want to go? I hear it is entirely clothes dug out of rejection bins at second hand stores, and food salvaged from the McDonald's 'over time' can.



Legacy is my completed novel next on my revision list. I didn't want to start REVISIONS because if I get the cozy gig, it would interrupt, which I find counter productive. So I thought, HEY, I'll write the QUERY. You've already heard me whine here... I can't write a query to save my life. Ive had five different ABNA friends give me some VERY helpful feedback (I love these guys), but unlike the writing, where I can SEE the improvement, because I KNOW what I am looking for—I have a harder time identifying better versus worse on the query. I actually maybe ought to put on my copywriter's hat from YEARS ago, though I remember there was a reason I actually ended up working in account service rather than copywriting... you know... the hard time getting to the point thing...

The CONFLUENCE First Chapter Ball



I have a REALLY COOL think happening here. I'm VERY excited. Chimera Critiques gives away a chapter critique every so often, and I have WON one! http://chimeracritiques.com/ They are going to review my first chapter of CONFLUENCE and tell me where I am missing the boat, because honestly, I think I must be... I think I need to dive in faster, but for the life of me, can't figure out how. So I encourage YOU to go check them out, and I will report back after the (hopefully not horribly painful) feedback I get from THEM. But then I will know what to do... and I will be obliged to FIX IT. *sigh *





Bouncing Balls



Deniability still looms...  Needs blanks filled in.

Illusions needs typing...  *sigh*

Guest Bloggers are waiting for SERVICE... which I don't mind providing, but it stresses me out a little to be responsible to anyone else. Harder to wing it when I'm playing with somebody ELSE'S balls. *cough*



And then I have the two NEW books that keep pestering me... the ghost story and the Armageddon one... the former would be a delve int YA, and is more solid in my head—that said, that also makes it PERFECT for a NaNo book, where the Armageddon is tricky and complicated (and fairly delicious)-so a far bigger commitment—CONFLUENCE complicated... (though hopefully I've learned enough that it wouldn't take me 2.5 years to write this time)





And finally... because I've had so much time on my hands... I've made the request and been added to the Urban Dictionary... as the Watery Tart, of course... They said it might take a few days, but I figure at that point, I can officially claim I'm famous *snort*  Girl's gotta have priorities, I figure...

Turbulence and Time

Oh, the ready underminers of any plan... This week has been a HECK of a week, good, bad, amazing, horrible. It's ALL been there, but there has just been TOO MUCH of it.

The Good



On Monday I finished CONSPIRACY. I had to restart the ending three times and I'm still not quite happy with it, but I am happy enough to think as a TRILOGY, I can go back and rewrite the FIRST and all the details will be right... I mean there won't be a point in polishing the second and third if nobody wants the FIRST, but I wanted the entire story written in first draft before polishing the first because I DIDN'T want to be written into a corner (and I'm glad I did—some important things HAVE changed.

The Bad



DEADLINES, DEADLINES, DEADLINES at work (plus a coworker who is acting off—I am not sure if she is mad at me about something or having personal problems, but it is sort of passive aggressive and reminding me of my mother at the moment). I have reasonable tolerance of grouchiness, but feel people have an obligation to either say WHY or swallow it. Snarkiness needs justification.







The AMAZING



The editor wants to see revisions, but ALSO said she thought she could work with me on the cozy... It is a deadline, but it is also an INTERACTION with real life publishing professionals... it is a REAL chance.





The Horrible



Mr. Tart has had his panties in a bunch about pretty much EVERYTHING, all week. He is periodically impossible. His temperament tends to the morose, which on some level (the dark bad boy one) is appealing, but when he gets like this, he blames ME for his misery, and no many how many times I try to calmly tell him he needs a time out, a spanking, a chill pill, or a therapist, he STILL is no fun. I think we've reached the end of it, but when he is like that, he frequently disrupts me and makes it hard to do my editing or writing.

It ALSO is my daughter's birthday tomorrow, so there has been a mad quest to learn about cameras (we've finally come round to giving her money, which she will save until Christmas when we will pay for the REST of the camera, as she wants a photography camera with all the lenses and such, but digital—we just can't do over $400. Over two occasions though, when she is thinking photojournalism as a career, I can be more comfortable, even if $200 per occasion is more than we can really do. (Besides, if it is for Christmas, I can shoot for a black Friday sale and maybe get a really good deal).







Fitness Blog, Say What?



Yes, Saturday is my fitness day, and HONESTLY, this is ALL related. Time crunches and stress are HUGE obstacles to doing what I am supposed to. The exercise still fell into line, but I had several eating SNAFUs. When I am feeling sorry for myself I crave crunchy, greasy or alcoholic. I managed to lose half a pound, but I was over points several times. Measurements aren't down at all (in fact upper body is all up half an inch) from two weeks ago, in spite of weighing 2.5 pounds less, but it is all MUCH less than when I started, and I know half an inch can be as easily explained as pizza last night (only 2 pieces, and my day's eating was on points—but it is a bloaty sort of food, yes?)





I need to spend a little time thinking about the safety net for when life gets manic like this... I need to do a little shopping so I have some easy, satisfying snacks that trick me when I am feeling pouty. Diet Coke seems to be one of the things that helps—feels splurgy. I try not to have one every day, but this week I definitely did (never mind that half the time I added rum to it).



The next two weeks are unlikely to improve matters, and then May 6 I go on a business trip where for three days it is virtually impossible to eat right or fit my exercise in. I will try though, and vow to spend a little time planning for damage minimization...

Revision Ready--

So the call came... but it was only ALMOST the call... (this is all about my audition for the Cozy gig, in case you're lost already)

*ring ring *



“This is Tami.” (some of you might not know, but in the day time I have an extra name..erm.. I mean two—Tami is a grunt who does menial labor, and Tamera publishes scientific manuscripts and signs legal documents—I was in grunt mode)



“I'm looking for Hart Johnson?”



“Speaking!” (Instantly alert—there are only so many people OFF line who call me that.)



“This is EXXPT.” (that is code for the agent's as yet to be disclosed name *cough *)



“Yes, hello!”



“I wish I had really good news,” (heart stops) “but it's not bad.” (heart starts again) “The good news is she really likes your voice,” (heart speeds) “but she thinks maybe the details flow too fast, there is too much, so she wants to see revisions.” (heart resumes normal pace)



You see THIS is territory I am familiar with.

Tamera (the one from the scientific manuscript part of my life) is well aware that when you submit to a scientific publication the possible responses and likelihoods are as follows:



“Accepted as is.” (happens if your name is Linus Pauling or Albert Einstein.  Possibly Oppenheimer...)



“Accepted with revisions.” --this means they tell you the exact changes they want and if you make them, you're in. (happens once in a leap-yeared blue moon)--oddly, I've experienced this twice in my 10 publications, but I am only first author on one, and THAT isn't one of them.



“Revise and Resubmit,” (meaning it has enough merit we will look at again it if you address the problems listed)--top... maybe half... maybe only a third... I might be slanted by working with people high in their fields... might only be 20%--these are typically eventually publishable, but sometimes take several rounds and several journals.



“Rejected” (the rest) –contrary to how it reads, these find publication about half the time, too. You just have to aim lower.





I think y'all are smart enough to see how my professional life has prepared me for this SINGLE ASPECT of trying to publish a book. I can take criticism, specific or general, and do a pretty good job telling what it is that's wanted. And I am REALLY HOPING that is going to work for me here.



On the down side 'revise and resubmit' delays the ultimate decision by a couple weeks, but honestly, it works pretty well with timing. I have a conference coming up... I hope to get it back to MY AGENT by the time I go, give her those few days to give feedback, turn it back around and have it to the editor in the 3-week window requested.

Revision Plan



Tonight I will read it. Nothing else.



Tomorrow night I will read it marking what needs expanding (my intention is to put MORE action and relationship stuff, to slow things down a little), what needs eliminating (mostly descriptions of characters that can come later, people who need delay of mention (I have a party and suspect that needs to be streamlined)).



THEN I will begin page by page with what I've marked and delete and write as needed for revision.



I don't have any non-necessary people—I was careful on that, as it was ENOUGH to get all the necessary in there, but there ARE some who can be delayed. I THINK my aesthetic description was fine—it wasn't hugely heavy, and these are themed books, but I will watch for it.



Whatever the case, I feel confident I can do it AT LEAST enough that MY AGENT sees I've met the spirit of the request... The EDITOR is a less known quantity and may have something in mind that is hit and miss, but the way I figure it, if the agent believes in what we submit—that I've met what was requested, even if it isn't exactly what the editor MEANT, then I've preserved the relationship enough for a serious read of something later. Unknown is... you know... unknown... this is a negative where the editor is concerned—I can't read her mind. But this works FOR ME with the agent, for whom I am no longer unknown and am 1) being cheerful and cooperative about making requested changes, 2) meeting my deadlines 3) providing writing in a likable voice. I'm hoping when I send her LEGACY (cuz y'all voted and it won) that she will at the VERY least give it a read because she knows I'm easy to work with.



That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

Reggae on the River (A Digression)



So in Portland I worked with the world's NICEST guy, though I'm glad he was not my partner, son, child, or... employee... as part of WHY he was so nice was his daily pot use, which made him excessively mellow and excessively underambitious... but underambitious boy still managed to attend an organizational meeting for Portland's Reggae on the River. Do you know ALL seven people who showed up were left handed? How the HECK do you figure that happened (it is a statistical impossibility, or nearly, that this happened by chance). What part of your brain is it that determines 'you will be left handed and adore Reggae music' (I mean I like it, but not enough to organize a freaking festival—apparently for THAT, you have to be left handed.)

Roly-Poly—just put one outside. The spiders I squash. The rolly-polies are the only ones with so many legs I don't decimate if they enter my domain (though 6 legs or less gets a reprieve if they have no wings)

How to be a Murder Victim

Sometimes this quest for fame and glory can be elusive, but I figure most of us have infamy in us, if we were to really give it a fair shot, so here is some much needed help, if all of y'all are trying to go down in history (or literature) and just aren't sure how to go about it.

Be Really Terrible



Oh, I know. Sounds obvious. But you are much more likely to be murdered if you're mean and rotten. It's especially important that you humiliate a lot of people in public places, because the more people who really have it in for you, the longer your story will take to be resolved, right? I mean... one little humiliation... one murder... crime solved and you're off the front page, and if you're DYING for it, you might as well get some mileage out of it.

Be a SNOOP



Surely there is stuff out there nobody wants you to know! Be sure to go poking around in THAT. And then, just to up the ante, because being nosy isn't quite enough to get the primary victim killed (though it's gotten a fair few secondary characters murdered)--you should probably use what you find to blackmail somebody.

Take Something That Somebody Believes is Theirs



Money is a good one... embezzling a lot of money from someone, particularly someone with mob ties, is a pretty sure way to be a murder victim. Unfortunately with the mob, they are usually pretty willing to take the blame, so what you gain in gore, you lose in how briefly people talk about it... but if your remains were say... spread across three counties, I suppose it might be worth the trade off. You'll have to look into the inclinations of the mobsters near you. And SAY, if they just make you disappear, you might stay in the news for a REALLY long time! Look at Jimmy Hoffa... no body, and the guy is STILL in the news.

Sleep with a lot of Married People



This is a really good one, especially if you then treat said married person badly and try to blackmail them with video clips... Yeah, always advisable to videotape your escapades if you're looking to get knocked off. Also makes everyone want to be on the jury for trying your murderer, so that's an added bonus.





Piss off a Mystery Writer



Bad review ought to do it. Mocking their work. Dangling a publishing contract and then yanking it away. Merging your printing press so that works that HAD been in line are no longer going to be published. Publishing a really BAD book from some OTHER author... In fact it doesn't have to be a publishing related ire you arouse. You could say... cut them off in traffic... say something rude at the gym... teach your child to tattle on theirs... oh, there are a great many things that can get you murdered by a mystery writer...



On a similar note, one of my FB Writer friends, CJ West was giving away the right to name a murder victim in his next book as part of a contest.  How fun is THAT?  Seemed like a bit of marketing genius to me.  Most things you give away cost you something, and have limited appeal, but that goes permanently in a book...