Rejection and Mrs. Ringo

First off, I should tell you that I am ALSO at Burrowers, Books & Balderdash today, Spreading the Love (literally—that's my blog title)--so if you want a little love, head on over THERE, too.



Now the project HERE today, has to do with The Rejectionist's Blogiversary... she asked for an 'essay' on what a form rejection means to ME.... So here it goes...

Rejection and Mrs. Ringo



Y'all know with the Naked World Domination Tour, and the ever-growing cadre of minions, that sometimes I FORGET the world won't be handed to me on a silver platter. I mean it SHOULD, right? I'm deserving. But there are bizillions of people out there, including pretty much ALL the literary agents, who haven't gotten the message. It all reminds me a little of how I became intent on Total World Domination (even if I had yet to merge the fact of my Nudism with it at the time). I have Mrs. Ringo to thank.



My high school math teacher looked... pretty much EXACTLY like the girl of the Campbell Soup Kids (somebody back me up here—calling on Moscow High School grads—she DID, didn't she?) Her voice didn't help, it was high pitched and very precious... imagine how a Cupie Doll would sound... And I gave her an awful lot of grief, though hopefully she only knew the half of it, as part of it consisted of writing down what she wore each day (she had 4 outfits) and keeping track of how many days her pants had a chalk line from leaning on the blackboard (she ran about 85%). I was a SERIOUSLY TERRIBLE HORRIBLE STUDENT. A NIGHTMARE.

In my defense, I was in the advanced math class and desperate to prove I was STILL A REBEL, even if I was good at math. No easy feat when in a class of 200, only ONE math class was ahead in Jr. High, and in my first high school math class EVERYONE was older.



You see though, the joke was on ME. Mrs. Ringo would say things to me (by the time I got to Calculus and so only had same age peers, which emboldened me to be more openly a smartass), “Well, Tami, I don't think YOU can do this.” (Tami is my peon name, if you'll remember) She was referring to getting an A on a test, or a certain kind of problem. And do you want to know how I responded?



Anyone who has read my blog for any length of time KNOWS I hate to be told what I can and can't do... that being told 'you can't' makes me do it just to spite them... no matter HOW I have to bust my butt to do it... So all these things Mrs. Ringo said I couldn't do? I did. Oh, I didn't always get As in Calculus... Only when she basically DARED ME. She was a whole heck of a lot smarter than I gave her credit for—one of VERY few teachers to EVER tap into my inner rebel.



And what does that have to do with form rejection? *cough* My second round of queries, my inner rebel yawned. My third round it opened an eye. And then I proceeded to find ANOTHER WAY IN. HA! Take that you Tart Rejector you! I will make it WITHOUT the query process! HA!



By this, I mean... I managed to find a back door... get a referral... establish a relationship with an agent... audition for a specific series and get a contract offer... erm... Okay, so it's not even a back door. I crawled in a window... but there was no Query involved.

The form rejections have been saved... about 30, I think, since a couple never responded... I will wallpaper with them one day... And I'm SURE I will Query again, though my project agent will get first shot the next time I feel something is truly cleaned up for submission, and if SHE doesn't want it, she darned well isn't going to give me a FORM REJECTION about it, as we have a working relationship on something she is getting money for, so at least I will have a chance to clean it up with some advice, or a referral to an agent she knows, if it is just a genre she doesn't want to sub.



I really get the NEED for form rejections, but I think as writers we can't take them too personally. To a QUERY, I really never have. To a requested partial or full—it is a little offensive—a sentence at least, would be nice, but hey... I am in the process of hiring right now, and I don't relish contacting the people we didn't pick, so I guess I get that to some degree too... just part of the process. I am just not inclined to follow rules.

Fool Me Twice

Erm... What's it called when you fool YOURSELF?



I have a missing guest blogger again:  partially my fault... I was losing days again... thinking the 13th was Wednesday, so my reminder didn't get sent until Monday... hopefully it will be up shortly.  Perhaps in the meantime you can ponder these:

 This is Cali, doing what she enjoys most...

And Joel's 'concerned face'.

Uber Underlings

Seems I shouldn't have to say it, but if a Tart has World Domination Aspirations -particularly World Domination Aspirations as important as NAKED World Domination Aspirations (which clearly she does), she needs MINIONS-- a large army of followers set to disperse over the world and spread the plan. You know... cause otherwise the whole thing is just WORK, WORK, WORK. But just because I am an Empress/Dictator type, that DOESN'T mean I don't LOVE MY MINIONS!





Now I love a lot of people who aren't really quite underlings... I have friends set on SHARING this World Domination Role, and provided they are committed to the NAKED part, I am a sharing kind of gal. Most of my fellow Burrowers, for instance... total co-Leaders in World Domination Plans...



But what about these Younger people who will lead when she retires to her private island with her seventeen Cabana Boys? Surely there is some GROOMING involved... making these future leaders READY to promote Nudity and rule with a kindly, but sure hand.

There is also a line in my mission statement about corrupting young minds (yes, I have a mission statement—you think I'm just fooling around with all this?) And so combining these goals—molding minions and corrupting young minds has long been a part of my Naked World Domination Strategy.



Okay, so maybe the Naked World Domination Plan is a metaphor of sorts... *shifty * If you ask me tomorrow, I won't admit it... but what it is REALLY about, is encouraging the inner writer. You see, my writing roots are a little less lonely and began a little less... prestigiously than some. I began in the Fan Fiction Arena. And you know what? I will never regret it. THIS is one of the reasons.







Giving Back (A Digression)



In my day job I work with young researchers, graduate students, medical students, and sometimes undergrads. Working with them can take a significant amount of time—teaching them what to do, supervising, redirecting, teaching some more. But usually when they are done, they understand a lot more about research and have achieved something (whether it's a presentation, a poster, or in the case of the medical students, a co-authored journal article). They are then ready to go out into the world and fly a little higher, and our group is left feeling warm and fuzzy and able to say we helped launch them.



I see this writing thing as similar—somebody farther on the achievement spectrum offers some advice, or even a true hand (encouragement, critiquing, introducing, helping), and we in turn offer the same. But SOMETIMES when you offer back that help, the gratitude can be one of those things that sort of knocks you on your BUTT.



It is just such a fabulous, warm, and surprising little thing to find out there.



So today I am being Thankful for being Thanked—how is that for taking the long way to get to the point?

Kassy with a K



I met Kas when she was 17 and was writing an unlikely romance version of Book 7 in which Draco and Ginny are thrown together—both feeling outcast and desperate, and ending up helping each other. Now I don't READ romance, for the most part, but her emotion was so infused with realistic feeling, and her plotting to get this unlikely pair into a frame of mind where they might actually consider each other was so detailed (and psychologically accurate) that I fell in love with her writing and began encouraging her.



We've moved along and progressed. She is now a 20 year old college student in Psychology (my own field) and we've stayed friends. This Christmas she sent me the sweetest card, thanking me for the encouragement, and not too long ago her mom even sent me a facebook message thanking me—that floored me a little. My encouragement has moved her enough to talk about me in her REAL life, which in turn moves ME to be a sniveling idiot about it—yes, I cried.



So Kas, I love you! Good reminder for all of us to let the people who've encouraged us know, because it feels good!



Leesh



I haven't known Alicia as long—we really got to be friends during the NaNoWriMo this year—I encouraged a number of HPANA people to just on the bandwagon, and she was an early taker (and the first one done). She reminds me a little of ME, oddly enough. I think he mind is capable of the twisty, bendy thing (she certainly seems to appreciate it) but she also has that tenacity to take a project and dive in with full force.



She took a blogging break recently, but on Thursday (Earth day) in honor of the Au Naturale aspect, dedicated her RE-dive-in to ME. Probably appropriate—being delusional Thursday and all.





So I love you, too, Leesh!



And for all the rest of y'all—don't forget to thank those who've helped you a bunch, and encourage and help those who come behind—this is the BEST part of this cycle!

Revision Ready--

So the call came... but it was only ALMOST the call... (this is all about my audition for the Cozy gig, in case you're lost already)

*ring ring *



“This is Tami.” (some of you might not know, but in the day time I have an extra name..erm.. I mean two—Tami is a grunt who does menial labor, and Tamera publishes scientific manuscripts and signs legal documents—I was in grunt mode)



“I'm looking for Hart Johnson?”



“Speaking!” (Instantly alert—there are only so many people OFF line who call me that.)



“This is EXXPT.” (that is code for the agent's as yet to be disclosed name *cough *)



“Yes, hello!”



“I wish I had really good news,” (heart stops) “but it's not bad.” (heart starts again) “The good news is she really likes your voice,” (heart speeds) “but she thinks maybe the details flow too fast, there is too much, so she wants to see revisions.” (heart resumes normal pace)



You see THIS is territory I am familiar with.

Tamera (the one from the scientific manuscript part of my life) is well aware that when you submit to a scientific publication the possible responses and likelihoods are as follows:



“Accepted as is.” (happens if your name is Linus Pauling or Albert Einstein.  Possibly Oppenheimer...)



“Accepted with revisions.” --this means they tell you the exact changes they want and if you make them, you're in. (happens once in a leap-yeared blue moon)--oddly, I've experienced this twice in my 10 publications, but I am only first author on one, and THAT isn't one of them.



“Revise and Resubmit,” (meaning it has enough merit we will look at again it if you address the problems listed)--top... maybe half... maybe only a third... I might be slanted by working with people high in their fields... might only be 20%--these are typically eventually publishable, but sometimes take several rounds and several journals.



“Rejected” (the rest) –contrary to how it reads, these find publication about half the time, too. You just have to aim lower.





I think y'all are smart enough to see how my professional life has prepared me for this SINGLE ASPECT of trying to publish a book. I can take criticism, specific or general, and do a pretty good job telling what it is that's wanted. And I am REALLY HOPING that is going to work for me here.



On the down side 'revise and resubmit' delays the ultimate decision by a couple weeks, but honestly, it works pretty well with timing. I have a conference coming up... I hope to get it back to MY AGENT by the time I go, give her those few days to give feedback, turn it back around and have it to the editor in the 3-week window requested.

Revision Plan



Tonight I will read it. Nothing else.



Tomorrow night I will read it marking what needs expanding (my intention is to put MORE action and relationship stuff, to slow things down a little), what needs eliminating (mostly descriptions of characters that can come later, people who need delay of mention (I have a party and suspect that needs to be streamlined)).



THEN I will begin page by page with what I've marked and delete and write as needed for revision.



I don't have any non-necessary people—I was careful on that, as it was ENOUGH to get all the necessary in there, but there ARE some who can be delayed. I THINK my aesthetic description was fine—it wasn't hugely heavy, and these are themed books, but I will watch for it.



Whatever the case, I feel confident I can do it AT LEAST enough that MY AGENT sees I've met the spirit of the request... The EDITOR is a less known quantity and may have something in mind that is hit and miss, but the way I figure it, if the agent believes in what we submit—that I've met what was requested, even if it isn't exactly what the editor MEANT, then I've preserved the relationship enough for a serious read of something later. Unknown is... you know... unknown... this is a negative where the editor is concerned—I can't read her mind. But this works FOR ME with the agent, for whom I am no longer unknown and am 1) being cheerful and cooperative about making requested changes, 2) meeting my deadlines 3) providing writing in a likable voice. I'm hoping when I send her LEGACY (cuz y'all voted and it won) that she will at the VERY least give it a read because she knows I'm easy to work with.



That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

Reggae on the River (A Digression)



So in Portland I worked with the world's NICEST guy, though I'm glad he was not my partner, son, child, or... employee... as part of WHY he was so nice was his daily pot use, which made him excessively mellow and excessively underambitious... but underambitious boy still managed to attend an organizational meeting for Portland's Reggae on the River. Do you know ALL seven people who showed up were left handed? How the HECK do you figure that happened (it is a statistical impossibility, or nearly, that this happened by chance). What part of your brain is it that determines 'you will be left handed and adore Reggae music' (I mean I like it, but not enough to organize a freaking festival—apparently for THAT, you have to be left handed.)

Roly-Poly—just put one outside. The spiders I squash. The rolly-polies are the only ones with so many legs I don't decimate if they enter my domain (though 6 legs or less gets a reprieve if they have no wings)

(blog that must not be named)

You know, I was putting together my first GUEST blog yesterday and came across a realization. My first guest will be Lee Libro, BOTH of which start with the Letter L, right? And I was doing J. Now watch this. J, K, L. Are you spotting what I did? On Tuesday, I feature Lee Libro with L and if I just skipped blogging Sunday (like the game was intended), I get to L on Tuesday... How FREAKY is that that I have a guest with a double L name arrive on the day intended for L?

What it means though, is today is my single day this month where I have no lettered theme.



You know what else is cool? Libro means BOOK in Spanish. I don't know if this is Lee's real last name, but I like the idea of an author with a last name BOOK. I ALSO though, started thinking about LIBRO (book) and LIBRE (free). You don't suppose it's an accident that book and free are almost the same word, do you? I just really like that idea.

The Phone Mimic Decoy Bird



There's a type of bird around here that I never saw out west. It's sort of pigeonish, but stupider and not nearly so devious. It's gray with a bulbous chest but sort of delicate and long of tail with a teeny tiny head. The thing is though, it has sort of a mechanical sound (a little like BoBo in the first clash of the titan, but not so extended).



Well whatever this seasons mating call is for this thing, it sounds EXACTLY like our telephone ringer, and it is making me NUTS. Probably four mornings in the last few weeks I've heard the phone ring god-awful-early, ignored it, heard it, ignored it, then woken up enough to realize it's these damn birds.

International party



I've added three new flags recently (I've now had visitors from 50 countries, which obviously means I am to nearly a quarter of the World with the Naked World Domination plans... The last three though, are Latvia, Turkey and now Moldova—I just LOVE having had visitors from places that seem so exotic to me, as I sit here in MICHIGAN.



So there we have it... not much to say but too much to not say anything... guess it's a good thing today was sort of a freebie...

Belligerent Bunnies

This Brief Blog bares basic stuff on.... okay, I'm at a loss for B words. My daughter is going on a road trip today... Said daughter turns 15 this month and I am driving to Chicago and back as part of this venture (leaving her with a group of teens she attends summer camp with--nice kids, but still...). Yes, I get to have coffee with my exquisite friend Colette, as part of the deal, but it is 9 hours in the car, probably 3 of which will be at the hands of the young DRIVER'S PERMIT THANG... so the blog is less organized than normal... There you have it.

Belle o' the Ball



Speaking of Miss THANG, Thing I had her first water polo game last night. It was only a scrimmage with another high school in town, but as it was her first... Water Polo is FUN, and my Miss THANG made the first point of the game, even though it was her FIRST EVER game. This is Junior Varsity, but I figure, HEY, everybody OUT THERE is junior varsity and MY junior varsity player is only a freshman. She also had several steals. She was RIGHT. The Synchronized Swimming 'tread water technique' gives her an advantage over other new players. She has also done both competitive swimming AND team sports, including softball (for that good arm) and basketball (for the one on one guarding and stealing). That, and being relatively long-armed, all make this a sport that she may be ideally suited for. It seems to be her favorite so far.

Belligerent Bunnies



This will be the second year the easter bunny doesn't make it to our house. It's sad, but I warned them: when you stop believing, he will stop coming. My son is now 11... so sad. I miss it when we were visited by a large rodent in the middle of the night who just HID CHOCOLATE. Oh well. It's probably better this way.





BOOK BREAKS



I got an email from MY AGENT yesterday, and she said the edited chapters were fantastic and sent them off to the editor... hopefully soon to be dubbed MY EDITOR!







Badly Behavior Bedmates



Sometimes Husbands need spankings. It's too bad when it happens, it is when they are least in the mood for them. [/TMI]

Behemoth Beaucoup



Yes, I'm aware that means Big a lot. *cough*



I just wanted to say WELCOME AND THANKS. Every time I participate in one of these Blogosphere things, I end up with new followers... BEING a new follower... the network grows. And you know what? It is SO WORTH IT. You people are a FABULOUS lot, and between the connections that have already helped me, and the projects in the works (see book tours in a few posts... I have three planned this month—visiting authors for book releases) this sure seems like a wonderful way to help each other out so BIG A LOT to all of you! (err... I mean THANKS!)



And because several requested it...



Beautiful BUMS!

See!  I got something for everyone!!!

And though my butt is more Reubens than Renaissance... at least SOMEBODY thinks old fashioned butts are nice --these are the graces  (I have one, though as I said, think Reubens)



And FINALLY... becaue I know it's what you really want...

Yeah, okay fine.  Just sit there and drool.  I am.

Admirable Arses

Not to be confused with Admiral Ass, who my mother dated in the late 70's and who taught me for the first time that bad behavior in brass buttons became EVIL, and that it would be better to stick to admitted bad boys, as at least there was integrity to that. But I digress...

I am participating this month in Blogging from A to Z (and you all can too, if you want to!!!) If we blog every day but Sunday, we can get through the alphabet in April, so my list of blog topics goes something like this: Admirable Asses, Beautiful Bums, Cute Cheeks, Delightful Derrieres, Euphoric Ends, Fabulous Fannies (though I know in Australia this last one is much naughtier than the US take), Glamorous Gluts, Happy Hineys... you get the picture...

HA! April Fools!

Well, not about the Blogging from A to Z. Only about talking about butts every day, because while a Tart enjoys her some admirable arses, there is only so much that needs to be said...



Before I get to the real topic at hand though, I should note that the WORD arse, not widely used in the US, is one I nevertheless LIKE, and was reminded of yesterday when I visited



The Alliterative Allomorph, who had a sidebar with definitions she prefers (over the real ones). This was my favorite:





Arsenic: a cut on the bum



*snort * FABULOUS.  You should go check out the others.

Okay, now we can stop being pranky and get on with the blog and the OTHER topic But FIRST, here are some things I am NOT blogging about, even though on the A day, it would be appropropriate:



Atilla, Adolf or Anthony (too violent)

Artichokes, Asparagus, or apricots (like them all, but, what's to say?)

Aardvarks, Armadillos or Anteaters (love them, but know little)

Apostrophes, Alliteration, & Acronyms (though I admit to at least one fetish here)



Also not blogging about Antarctica, Antwerp, Alaska, Alexandria, Australia, Alabama, or Austria. I've never been.



So what AM I going to discuss?

Attributing Attitude & Amor

You see, writers get to do these things (in fact MISattributing is my favorite thing to do). We get to instill personality and motivation in our characters. We can ALSO give them admirable arses, but frankly, that is more interesting on the movie screen. Beautiful characters mostly annoy me (that reverse snob thing triggered by Admiral Ass at work, you see—if it looks good, it is in some way EVIL (or in the case of beautiful people, probably simply lacks depth)) No way, Jose. Appealing, yes. Attractive? Not my thing (unless they have a sufficiently naughty gleam in their eye, anyway—then at least they are being honest about it.)



Ha! There I go digressing again!



Anyway, attitude is an excellent way to show personality. It's the outward manifestation—someone can be a smart alec, or a snob, or (like their author *cough*) exhibit REVERSE snobbery. One can (like Admiral Ass) be an arrogant bacon-forker (read: nincompoop) who is not REALLY separated from his wife and is BEGGING to someday be a murder victim in a novel because that is JUST the kind of set up needed to have at least 45 people want to kill you (if you count the families of both spurned women and the other guys in line to date the single chick).



And that touches on AMOR. Aside from money, love seems to provide the strongest motivator—in fact there is a whole category, called crimes of passion, and honey... that is about AMOR! (whether jealousy, possessiveness, betrayal...) matters of the heart make for GREAT literature!





Okay, so there wasn't all that much to say on that because I was busy being silly, but HEY, April Fools doesn't fall on Delusional Thursday all that often, so I am entitled to my little games, ne?

Giraffe Invasion

So last night I either had a religious experience, or one of my friends is practicing mind control. She is not a Jedi or a Ninja (that I know of) but she is a minor religious deity, so I think controlling dreams falls within her jurisdiction.





Giraffe House



I was supposed to move into the really big, lighted giraffe with the laser beam walls, but it isn't quite finished yet, so they had me move into the smaller giraffe. Michael Vaughn (the CIA Handler from Alias--my latest obsession) was flirting with me mercilessly, asking what room I'd been put in. Nobody seemed to be bothered by my nudity.  He wouldn't help me though, with the puzzle—which was actually dozens of puzzles, each in the shape of an animal made up of small wooden pieces. You see three-D puzzles is how they test people's suitability to... you know, live in the big light-up laser giraffe.

Driving an Uninsured Giraffe



I'm not sure what they penalty is, and maybe they have a blanket policy that covers anyone who drives them, but they are not the most maneuverable thing on the road. However, I suspect maintenance is far cheaper than on a long-neglected Toyota Sienna (we dropped almost 4 grand yesterday redoing and fixing some dozen things that had needed it for probably two years). AT LEAST though, it still ran with all that crap wrong with it.



I live in Michigan, where car is king and people look at you askew for driving foreign, but we bought this car with 80K miles on it. Had we bought something built in Detroit, it would have maybe lasted us to 120K—we fully expect this one will last to 250K. I wish American manufacturing had not fallen in love with the idea 'if we make it to break, they'll have to buy a new one in a few years', but I happen to believe they did, and with cars, we just can't afford that.







Broken Fans and Other such Nuisances (Nuisi?)



Oh, when things break they break in batches at the Tart house. Our bathroom fan quit last week—the motor burnt out (probably from processing all that cat hair), and so the fire alarm (which oddly doesn't distinguish between smoke and steam, when in fact STEAM is not a fire sign in the least) went off after my daughter's shower this morning, waking the dead three counties away—so if you see Zombies today—sorry about that. (say, this section had not a single giraffe)

Religion and Giraffes



For those of you who don't practice Digressionism, it may not be clear what giraffes have to do with it... I mean the Giraffe on Noah's Ark was gay (the male anyway) so I know MOST people are unclear how all this works. But the Giraffe, much like Buddha, is a cheerful symbol, chosen not for BEING god, but for practicing well and living a life to emulate, or some such thing. '



Did you know I was licked by a giraffe when I was a kid? The circus came to town (and before you get TOO excited, when the circus comes to town, they don't let you BE IN IT (that was very disappointing) they just have you WATCH it (so much for my tight rope aspirations)) but they DID have some animals, and we bought some peanuts and then I climbed onto a platform (my memory insists this was a ladder, but I know my mother wouldn't have let her four-year-old climb a ladder) and hold out the peanuts for the giraffe. Giraffes have really ROUGH (black) tongues—like a cat tongue, only about eight inches long. (and THAT was a successful Digression—see, religion's not so bad)







News of a less Delusional Sort



First draft of my cozy chapters are typed and the hand edits are in so heads up Leanne and Stacy (round 1 readers).



My daughter swims in the State Synchronized Swimming Meet tonight, so we're going to Troy! (nobody seems to think we need to take a large wooden badger to get in, no matter how often I suggest it). It means no writing tonight, but tomorrow I should be able to work on Conspiracy a little (Sunday, too)--THEN Cozy edits, send to Elizabeth, back to Conspiracy... THEN next weekend final round of edits before sending my Cozy chapters to MY AGENT—MAN, that never gets old.

Hopefully I knock her out (not literally of course, because we've established that causes Giraffe invasions). Then more edits, then to the EDITOR to determine if I get the gig... *crosses fingers and toes*



Work is still NUTS. I let myself get behind, which I shouldn't do, but I have to catch up before I can implement a 'don't get behind rule' Grrrrr.



I wish you all a truly fabulous weekend!!!

What Outline?

For this little cozy mystery I'm writing, I decided to be good and make sure I got my main points in there, so I am outlining... oh, not super far ahead... just four chapters at this point (since I need to write three for this audition), but here is a true conversation from my writing time last night:

“Hey uh... Tart? Where'd the road go?”



“It's back there. Don't worry. I have a good sense of direction.”



“Don't you think we ought to stick closer. We might miss a plot point.”



“Naw. They make a lot of noise coming, so we'll have time to get back over there.”



“Come on; let's just nudge back.”



“Check it out! I knew there was a llama farm this way!”



You might be able to spot the challenge for a woman with Digression as religion. Outlining is a piece of CAKE. FOLLOWING an outline on the other hand...



That said, I am still having a blast. I've got a dead body, a detective, and a connection of the MC to the investigation, plus a key character who can't be found the next morning when they try to call witnesses... I wrote 8 pages last night and covered half of my plot points, so I guess I'm not doing as badly as I worried... 16-20 pages is about the chapter goal for first draft.



The way I figure it, I have a little detail to add in about the city, and about the theme of the series (gardens, flowers, plant life) but my writing runs long, and I've had better success writing long and cutting the unnecessary, so if I am about 20% longer than I want to be, that is actually perfect. Far easier to delete than fill in (other than the things I've marked that I KNOW I need to fill in, anyway).

Reading and Writing at the Same Time



I am reading a cozy right now to get oriented, 'Slay it with Flowers' by Kate Collins. I'm having a really hard time figuring out whether she is a totally superior being on a different plane than I am altogether, or whether when I finally get to the cleaned and polished stage, I will ALSO have that great of a book—it's a little intimidating...



And a new assessment. I say that, because I think had I read it a month ago, I would have thought, 'oh, what a cute book.' I never would have spotted all the things I'm spotting right now as the mastery of plotting, the five thousand ways to stick humor in there (yeah, seriously ME, I wouldn't have thought about how clever that was) It just would have been a cute story.



It's the opposite direction most of my assessments have gone since taking up writing seriously—most books I think, “well that was too obvious” or “why didn't they do this?” I've grown far more critical of plotting and writing and have read with a more... probably TECHNICAL eye for what is done well and poorly. Now I'm not to the end, so it's possible she'll snuff up the ending, but I am just thinking she has this system down pat, and I hope I can do so well (though I can't make myself write in the first person at this point... one new skill at a time. I've only written first person for a couple shorts, never a novel.



I think though, since this is my first time trying to write a cozy mystery, I am experiencing how hard that particular thing can be, and appreciating all the things she's doing well. My own stuff is typically more suspense, and I haven't read a suspense book since I really got going... so maybe that is the key.



Whatever the case, as much fun as I'm having, I am feeling humbled about the mastery required...

Dying to Know...

[aka: who the heck are you?]



I don't know if any of you pay attention, but the number geek in me has added a couple counter widgets to the side to tell me how many people have been here, where they are from, and what (website) brought them in. I'm too cheap to pay for these things, so the detail is only on the last 10 visitors, but there are some things that have made me very curious for a good long time, and it's only gotten stronger since I added the flag thing.





Tart Links

I noticed this week that one of my referrals was a search for nudist contortionist, so I've got that going for me... You want a nudist contortionist, I'm your gal. Nobody seeking naked world domination in a while, so that's sad. Most people either come directly, or via Facebook or Networked blogs (which is also facebook). I get a twitter visitor now and again. And this week, I added a couple Amazon BNA visitors because I put my blog link on my profile.



What this tells me is it all helps... In fact since the Amazon link thing, my average daily page hit has jumped quite a lot. I don't know if those are first degree hits all the time, because I also added a few of those folks as FB friends. But my blog about being a blog slut in particular had about 130 views—I'm pretty sure that's a record for me.





Location Location Location

But none of this answers how the heck people in the Russian Federation are finding me. Not PERSON—that flag counter says I have 6 readers from the Russian Federation. In fact... though the first four places are held by English speaking countries (the US, Canada, the UK (which amazingly passed Australia in spite of my documented Australian fame) and Australia). I have 10 readers in Norway. I SWEAR to you I only know one, who is probably actually 3 or 4, but that still leaves me with a readership... you don't suppose hot, mopey musician guy is following?! *coughs * Sorry, Mari.. not meaning to tell tales on you... Seven readers in India... which may surprise YOU but doesn't ACTUALLY surprise me. Natasha has inspired me and encouraged me all along, but I also have three other Indian friends through the Potterverse, so if any of them uses more than one computer, it only leaves a couple I know nothing about... Likewise, the 5 in Japan—I know 3 people there, 2 of whom I know have checked in... not a ton to explain.



But Russia? WHO ARE YOU??? I'm dying to know!

Spain? I have a friend from high school there, but I doubt he follows—just doesn't seem like the blog reader sort. Germany and Greece each have ONE known person... is that enough to explain 4? Susie, Chris? Do you have multiple personalities?

Another big one, because I know of no connection, is Pakistan. I have 2 Pakistani friends in the US, but IN Pakistan? And I've seen the map—these are in really different places, and so NOT the same person.

I am likewise curious about my reader in Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, the one in Guatamala, and I want to know where my Indonesian and Argentinian following has gone! But MOST OF ALL... the dot off of Africa has yet to have a flag but HAS appeared on the map... SHOW YOURSELF! (I THINK it is Sao Tome, but that is a guess, as the widget map isn't labeled—I could SWEAR it was farther west, but I can't see ANYTHING there... are you on a boat?) I really am dying of curiosity here... I would LOVE to know who you people are. If you don't have response access via blogspot or are shy about being in public, you could email me. Just put blog in the title: hartjohnson23@gmail.com.



I just am so darned curious about who I am reaching.... tell me about yourself. What brought you here? Do I know you or someone you know in some context, or did you stumble in?



I'm sending out a big giant naked hug, all around the world. This tickled me like you wouldn't believe to know how far and wide you can reach simply by putting yourself out there... but the social scientist in me wants to understand the process.

Odd Self Indulgence

It's not a great secret that I've got sort of a... Center of the Universe thing going on.  I've always liked to be the center of attention.  Oddly, it doesn't go with my social skills at all.  I speak slowly (more at the pace a person might type--in fact I speak completely absent of the 'erm's and 'like's that punctuate some conversation... I speak like I type... EXACTLY (thank you Courtney for being the person to point that out--but it's true).  Slow speech does not make for the WIT a center of attention really calls for, yet there you have it.  Oh, sure, I say funny things... but usually about fifteen minutes too late.  It is better geared for an online discussion where I have some time to process first.



Do I have a point?



Two, actually.



I LOVE this blogosphere.  I've met a number of FABULOUS people, and a few kindred spirits.  One of those kindred spirits gave me an award this morning.

I think Jan recognizes in me, something I recognize in HER, only she has a fair bit more wisdom and grace about her.  The award is for people who tell (sometimes not pretty, but necessary) truths.  And I aspire to be that kind of honest.  I have a content label for 'foot in mouth' for a reason.  I am incapable of the politics that require somebody to be diplomatic (or classy, or dignified)... I call a spade a spade.

Don't get me wrong.  Misattribution is STILL among the highest of my callings, but when I misattribute, I try to point out what I am doing, therefore being honest about my exaggeration, rumor mongering, and fictional creations that serve as community service among my friends.  In terms of confronting the publishing industry though, I suppose there are times I should just keep my opinions to myself.

So I feel VERY honored.

Now the rules of the award are to present 10 truths... And because I am who I am, I think I will present things that are CONTRARY to the person I've become.

1)  There was a time I could have thought of NOTHING more glorious than trading lives with Marianne Gravette (a Playboy Centerfold circa 1982).  I had an early dream of modeling.  I was tall enough, but never DID have the boobs.

2)  I was pretty darned involved in Young Life in High School.  It is a Christian youth group made up of very nice people (lots of singing--my favorite part--lots of nice boys to shock--that was good, too).  It just wasn't the 'party crowd' I spent my weekends with, or the rebels I ended up identifying with in the long run.  And my adult views on Christianity would be frowned on--they solidified during grad school (it's common knowledge that only about 5% of people who finish grad school, come out in the same relationship or with their religious views in tact--I figured I was doing good to stay married)...

3)  I was Junior Miss for my home town.  My mother fell under the illusion it meant I would henceforth behave and she could stop worrying. *snort*  My mother seemed not to understand my lack of appreciation for pomp.  I didn't however, shame the title publicly.  I told my aunt recently that it changed my behavior NOT AT ALL and she laughed.

4)  I went to the University of Oregon to rebel(go hippies!), but in 1985 I went through rush because rebelling among rebels means doing something conformist.  (in my defense, I chose the sorority--at least at Oregon, of like-minded women). *chicken dances with fellow Thetas*

5)  In college, though I LOVED the atmosphere of rebellion, I again did the 'prestigious' thing by applying to the school of journalism and majoring in advertising.  I liked being part of an exclusive club.  (the J-school had two 'weeder classes', a test, and a 2.5 GPA required to get in as a junior).  May not sound like a lot, but I had a number of friends who failed to get in.

6)  My college boyfriend was a clingy sort, but, having not had an exclusive relationship before that, I dived in.  We knew each other as 'Nerpo' (me) and 'Gloppo' (him) for two years--it was a strange, codependent mess, but as it was my first like that, I thought it was how it worked, and he was VERY NICE.  Unfortunately, he thought I was too, which I just couldn't maintain... I was really meant to be naughty.  I broke up my senior year.  Had I not, I'd be married to a lawyer now.  Life would have been easier, and I would have been more secretly naughty... probably not good for my soul compared to this open thing. (my hubby now loves who I AM, not who he wanted me to be).

7)  I worked in advertising for 3 years and actually ENJOYED that corporate morass.  I learned a lot and played with the big kids.

8)  While working in advertising, and after losing a significant amount of weight for the first time, I once actually muttered, "you can't be too rich or too thin."  My boss was STUNNED (it was at a corporate Christmas Party)

9)  In that advertising job I represented the local McDonald's operators.  While I maintain that the food is BAD for you, and am not a giant fan of the CORPORATION, I STILL support the owners of the individual stores (about 80% are locally and privately owned)--they are incredibly hard workers, and run tight businesses that give a lot of people opportunities to move up through hard work, which I prefer over the 'charismacratocracy' I think most of the world runs on.

10)  While I am a ME ME ME advocate out loud, always advising people to determine what they can really live with, in real life, I happen to be a little more of a pushover.  I am a nurture over nature person, and almost always give people the benefit of the doubt.  It means occasionally forgiving unforgivables, or accommodating the nuts in my life.  My mother is currently in a waiting period, as was my husband before her, but in the long run, no matter how much I say 'You need to do what you need to do', it seems WHAT I NEED TO DO, is forgive and acclimate.  It has been said that a Crab will lose a claw before letting go, and for this Cancer, it is true.  Once in my life, always in my life, no matter what nastiness you might get up to.

So after that confessional... the contrary things about me... I would like to AWARD the scrappy honesty award to I'M NOT HANNAH.  I have a TON of blogs I love, but this one seems to hold the spirit of just saying it, no matter how much somebody might not like it, or somebody might raise an eyebrow.  An open honesty about life.  That is what I believe this particular award is about.

Tart Endorsement

Brought to you by NAKED THURSDAY!

And dedicated to the GURU of Snuggie, Kevin.



I’ve been on the fence for a long time on the Snuggie. As a dedicated nudist, I hold firm that clothes, particularly PANTS are evil (I even recently joined the pants as a swear word group on Facebook!—you can join too!), but I have to be honest. I run cold. I particularly run cold when I am trying to eat fewer calories than I burn (read: diet).

And it’s the dead of winter… the odds are stacking against me; can you feel it? So I look for options, if youknowwhatImean.

This just in! Slippers and Mittens are NOT Clothes!

They are ACCESSORIES, and therefore, okay by me. Though you should always be sure not to choose slippers that clash with your tiara.



So for some time now, slippers and a blanket have done this nudist just fine, except the blanket has these GAPS at the side that let cold air in! Man, I hate that—being 90% warm and having a strip up the side of my thigh freeze because the blanket has gaped.





Enter Snuggie Option



Now the benefits to this are obvious… It is enclosed on all sides except the head and arms… and it seems to me I see people walking in them, so perhaps the feet can exit when necessary.



But I was a skeptic… I mean REALLY, if you are entirely covered, isn’t that almost like CLOTHES?



And so, while holding warmth as GOOD and clothes as BAD, I have remained undecided about the Snuggie, until now.



SnuggieSutra —your answer to getting around all that fabric… to taking advantage of one of NUDITY’s advantages from the comfortable warmth of you Snuggie.



I could hardly withhold an endorsement with this new information, so there you have it… the Tart’s first official product endorsement. The Snuggie is Naked World Domination Tour friendly and strongly preferred to clothes.

What Makes a Writer?

I normally try not to borrow content too much, but yesterday, Moonrat did a Myers-Briggs Survey with her readership and I was STUNNED with the results. Let me e’splain…





Affinity for Fellow Writers

It isn’t hard to notice the kinship writers feel with each other. Some even feel compelled to start a band together *cough* We are alike in fundamental ways. We approach the world similarly. We enjoy similar activities. But this has never seemed to me a concrete thing before. I’ve always fancied us a group that is eclectic and hard to pin down. We simply have maybe… a common approach or something…





My Psych Background



I LOVE psychology or I wouldn’t have studied it through two degrees, but I have always held out a little skepticism for any systems of classification. I prefer to look at social influences—predictions of behaviors or outlooks that are situational or perceptual—NOT personality. I am definitely a nurture gal… nature deals us a set of inclinations and abilities, but in my opinion what we do with that package has a broad spectrum of possibilities.



That said, the Myers-Briggs, because it is multi-dimensional, because it can wiggle a little in response to all that nurture stuff, is more appealing than most.



The first time I took the test (in grad school), I got INTJ. My Professor had said that was what he had, so when I said, “me too,” he told me how rare it was. At that time, my I-E ratio (introversion, extroversion) was 55/45—pretty middling, but introverted. The others were all well into their range.



Oddly, though I didn’t take the test again for many years, the next time I took it, it wasn’t the I that had changed, but the T. I’d gone from being a Thinker, to a Feeler… I attribute that to having children. There are several things that changed in my life between those times, but that, and the difficulties worked through with my spouse are the only things that would predict a shift from thinking to feeling (possibly not being a student anymore, but I WAS an academic)… everything else would work the other direction.





So What’s All this Crap Mean?



I-E—Introversion Extroversion: seems pretty self explanatory, but… it says it is actually a means of cognitive functioning… whether a person sort of deals in terms of behavior, action, people and things (extroversion) or reflection and ideas (introversion). It’s a little different twist on how we normally think of these ideas (others oriented, versus solitary)



S-iN—Sensing versus Intuition: these are about information gathering and what we trust. Sensing people like their ‘evidence’ to be present, tangible and concrete. Intuitive trust information that is more theoretical or abstract. (this is the pair that is about PERCEIVING)



T-F—Thinking and Feeling are about decision making. Thinking is more detached and objective, feeling is more through empathy. (This is the pair that is about JUDGING)



P-J—Perceiving and Judging is a distinction for which TYPE of information is dominant in how a person processes—so which of the above pair takes dominance in a person’s personality.



Here is a description of what the 16 combos mean: http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/the-16-mbti-types.asp



Common Personalities

In the general population the sensing feelers have it… the whole column that has SF has 8% or more, with the SFJ’s being the most common types on the board, whether introverted or extroverted. The STJs are right up there, too. Among those 6 personality types you get 64% of the population.



On the other tail are the NTs, not adding to 10% for 4 types. Intuitive thinkers are apparently rare, but also rare are the NFJs.



BUT THE WRITERS!!!

And this is why I have bothered with all of this… it would have amused me anyway, but what actually happened, was I was stunned, shocked, knocked off my chair in disbelief…



The least common and third least common personalities among the population made up 49% of the people who took Moonrat’s quiz (people, because Moonrat is an editor, who are predominantly WRITERS). Among WRITERS these are the most common personalities, and not just by a little bit.



So writers are introverted… no real surprises there—dealing with reflection and ideas rather than the external world? Sounds about right… Intuitive rather than sensory? Again… this is not surprising that we like the theoretical and abstract better than the concrete… that we are willing to believe without evidence…

We are equally split among thinkers and feelers and I would bet good money there is both a gender split and a genre split here (higher percentage of men thinking, women feeling)—but also I bet the thinkers are our ‘plot wonks’—thrillers, mysteries, where our feelers are the romance and the character driven stuff.



This final summary amused me greatly. Seems maybe, with my world domination plans, I am an INTJ after all…

Argument for Delusion

There are people all over the world who would argue delusion is a bad thing. These are the same stuffy people who always color in the lines, have never streaked and make their beds every day. The world is, in reality, more random than these people would like to believe, and it is easier to cope if we are just a little bit nuts.



Today my argument, is for delusion as a writing tool.

First… How it can help you keep going…



Delusions of the gorgeous men you keep locked in your basement can cheer you from any slump.



Delusions of eventual fame and fortune fit fabulously with thoughts of revenge when you receive rejections.



Delusions of muses dragging their trunks back up your front walkway can set you back on track after a slump.



Delusions of fanciful romps with porn stars can just go straight into the book.





But the real strength of Delusion…



You see… it’s an exercise… Let me e’splain…





Once upon a time, on a forum not so terribly far from here, I met a band of marauders… LADY Marauders… set on taking over the world. They initiated me into their membership… okay, so possibly I was among the founding members if we are getting technical… with a mission of total world domination (the nudity was my idea *waits for gasps of shock*). This is where the basement dungeon idea was first communicated, and then I learned about Planet Spankmenow, and life has never been the same.



Delusional Thursday: A History



Anyway… we got to thinking about our reign… how we could influence others… and you know how people are hesitant to say… move somewhere without visiting first? Take on a religion without investigating the required practices? Start writing a book with no clue... Well I thought (yes me… this is my marketing background *puffs up*) maybe BABY doses… a little TASTE of it all… might help people dive in and embrace it.



I chose Thursday because… well… I was born on a Thursday. Isn’t the saying ‘Thursday’s Child is Loony as all get out”? You know the saying I’m talking about, right? So Delusional Thursday was born.

Now this forum was for ‘predicting what would happen’ in the final Harry Potter book (but it doesn’t need to be—y’all know I’m a geek that way, but the lesson holds anyway). And my premise was, on Thursday, anything goes—no matter HOW far out and nuts it was, Thursday predictions were for entertainment and stretching our imaginations. It was to shake things up and keep things fresh.



And do you know what was born out of Delusional Thursday? A writer. (at least one). Because that process of trying to rationalize the absurd, fit in the bizarre so it was believable and plausible was an incredible lesson in what is fresh and interesting. It led me to some theories I may never otherwise have voiced, and trying to PROVE them (never mind I originally professed them as delusional) resulted in the first long stories I ever wrote.



Reinforcements



I spent some time at a website yesterday reading ‘successful query letters’ and then the agents reasons they thought the letters were so good. Do you know what the most stand-out feature was of those letters? Some KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF strange idea. Somebody had thought of something so INCREDIBLY novel, and written a book about it.



Now I’ve read some books based in these very strange ideas and the ideas aren’t always so strange when you get down to the BOOK, but they are fresh and interesting because they are tales we haven’t seen before. I’m coming to believe that is how you break in… nailing a normal story onto a very strange idea… Or at LEAST including enough really unique elements—things that make a reader sit up and take notice.



So I am advocating for the practice of spending a little time each Thursday thinking of really bizarre things and then ways those could actually fit into a REAL story…



Go on. Delude yourself.  It's good for your soul.  It will make you laugh.  And while you're at it... it may just give you your next great idea.

Growing Pains

MAN I hate life lessons… Forced growth is just no fun. I mean I don’t hate it all afterward, but during the process, it can be SO humiliating… painful, even. So I hate them, but I love them.



I’m going to tell on myself a little, just to get across how LITTLE I knew…





The Bio Snafu



I blogged about this a little last week: Agent that requested pages, synopsis and author bio: so I spent time on a bio that looked like the BIO we send in with grants. (Can you spot the source of myconfusion? Bio, in the two contexts has different definitions). An AUTHOR bio is apparently the book jacket variety. Who knew? *snort* Okay, so apparently everybody but me. When we send in grants though, we are required to submit a Bio that includes our education, publications and the kind of work we’ve done that is pertinent to the project… (doesn’t sound so bad, does it?) Except it is formatted like a resume. That was what I sent the first time… I sent an email with the corrected sort of bio, explaining where my misguided idea originated, so hopefully I am cute, instead of pathetic… Not that cute tarts are the most appealing kind, but they are better than idiot tarts.



To compound matters, a different agent, because I mention I publish scientifically, asked what kind of scientific writing I do… I proceeded to detail the CONTENT, instead of saying what I now believe she wanted… “peer reviewed, scientific journal articles”. This one I just didn’t have the heart to correct, since it was such a quick correspondence (it was the agent that asked for a chapter). Oi!



My DAY JOB brain caused big giant fails in two different domains… or rather the same domain in two different ways. I was asked questions and my academic brain put me on auto pilot. Not going to let THAT happen again!



Now I know. Never let it be said that the Tart can’t take her knocks…





The Query

I am so amazingly grateful to the agent who took the time to say “I don’t get it” to me. I’ve been using the same query for two rounds now (about 30 agents have gotten it), and because I’d gotten a few nibbles, I really thought it was working. Form rejections give you NO CLUE what the problem is. This woman, in two sentences, guided me to make it a much better grab for the next round…



"I have to tell you that from this query, I really have no idea what your book is about or who the main protagonist is. You might want to take another crack at this."



Hmmm… the last person to feed me a lesson like this was ALSO a Colleen… seems maybe that is a name destined to give me lessons I don’t know I want but I need… but I digress…



Unfortunately, she then passed on the manuscript, suggesting that if I am aiming thriller, it really needs to still be tightened more. So THERE my mistake was in ever mentioning thriller… just like with my other mistake… I think it’s okay to have a thriller underlying, but if I say the darn WORD then they are expecting genre-thriller, which it is not. (and I don’t really want to rewrite it so it is, as I think the family relationship is the heart of this more than the thriller plot--I NEED all that darned character stuff.)



I figure though, that is only the first rejection this round, and it wasn’t an instant reject… progress…



Now to debate who GETS the next round and whether I am up to doing it right now or not…



Man, I hate querying.



One lesson I DON’T have yet, is when it is okay to reQuery… I feel like I might be well within my rights to retry the people I INITIALLY tried (who got the version about the 200K book) because I am pretty sure they saw that number and didn’t read a single other word. The query was also a lot worse at that point… But do I even want to go there? There are LOTS of agents out there.



And I still don’t have a feel for whether I want to join this Amazon contest or not… If only one agent is really looking at a partial, I think I may go ahead, but if I have a couple requests for more, I’ll hold off… I think…



Shaken Confidence

When I was first blogging, I would see these writers comment on moments of feeling like they couldn’t write. I was baffled, because I’ve always felt rather a lot of confidence (probably too much so… I have a nice, healthy ego). But the query process sure takes the mickey out of you, doesn’t it? I’m doubting CONFLUENCE. I’m doubting everything I try to write in my trilogy (and making stupid mistakes—writing things that mess up the timeline and such). When I type up what I’ve written I’m thinking ‘well that’s stupid, what was I thinking?’



I keep trying to decide if I am getting more discerning or am just in one of those moods… a mood that had never really struck me until recently. I am still going with that though. I know my writing will improve, and as it does I’ll have less tolerance for mistakes, but I just really can’t think what I’ve done already is BAD, especially the fourteenth round of a book that was a good story to begin with…



Hmph.