Back Yo Yo!

*cough* Oh, I know... I don't look much like a gangster, but I probably have something in common with those goofy childhood toys that couldn't be controlled by anything but skilled hands... *shifty*



So I had a FABULOUS trip. Living in poverty, I really only get the chance to travel when my work pays for it, and I LOVE it when they send me somewhere that I KNOW someone who can show me a good time.

Llama and Penguin Paint the Town



So a couple really nice things happened Wednesday morning. The FIRST was that a baby skunk was in our yard and was very amusing to watch snurfle around our yard as I waited for my driver (okay, so he's my bosses driver, but she shared him). And there was no person in the middle seat on the long leg of the flight (Detroit to Dallas) so I could sprawl a bit... okay, not a BIT, but a bit... and THEN, when I got to my hotel, even though it was only 11am, they let me check in!



I did my obligatory work thingy-do, then Stacy came to the hotel (all excited about her FAB parking spot). She claimed to have a poor sense of direction, but I am google map queen, so we walked from there to Stubbs for (DELICIOUS) barbeque.

Note: Google Maps does not warn about the 'rough' part of town. Not sure what it was exactly, but there was a largish group of needy people waiting for SOMETHING, and police arresting somebody else... It was never frightening, as nobody approached us, even for a handout, but it was a little bit one of those...erm... wrong neighborhood... moments...



The barbecue was FAB!!! (and the company more so—my face STILL hurts from laughing so much three days later)



And then we came back to plug Stacy's meter... and then we walked up and down 6th a bit (erm...) and then up to the Capitol building. We discussed joining a group of kids for an official tour (debating how much Spanish we spoke, as it seemed that may need to be the tour language), but then learned we could have an official tour all on our OWN... I'm sure we scared the woman, but it was really interesting to get some Texas history. I'd had no idea Texas was once it's own country... that the people of Texas had lived under 6 flags (not the theme park, though it took a while to establish that detail): Spain, France, Mexico, Texas, the US, and... erm... I forget the 6th... Oh right... the Confederate flag—they were on the WRONG side in the civil war *cough* (my great X6 grandpa was a Vermont sharp-shooter and I am a northerner all the way through).

Yup... pretty penisey... Leigh, explain this...

The capitol building (above, behind Stacy and I) is cool... almost identical to the Michigan one, for good reason, it is the same designer! (a Michigander no less)... The Texas one is the biggest capitol, though not the tallest... Louisiana has the tallest, though according to her, Louisiana's looks like a penis... okay, so maybe that wasn't the words she used... but she implied it... Stacy and I might have used the word, though Stacy probably used the words Meaty Thunderstick... (did I use that term out of context, Stace?) *giggles* (see, pretty much everything is giggle material for Stacy and I)



After the capitol tour, we went back to plug the meter... it might be possible you are detecting a trend, though it's a little early to be sure... and we went to an art gallery... Austin artists... whereby I proved I was dark and disturbing and Stacy proved she's a nut... It's all about interpretation, sort of like those pictures that can be two things at once... I really dug the dead body display... I'm serious... it was subtle, and surely it means I'm edgy and mysterious that I spotted them *shifty*

Then we plugged the meter... walked 6th a bit more discussing bats—see, Austin has the largest urban bat population in the US and we thought maybe we'd like to SEE it, but we weren't sure where they were. We tried (TWICE) to go to the bat bar to find out, and then proved once and for all that THERE'S NO HARM IN A U-TURN (Yes, we were walking, but it still needed to be said) when we went BACK to The Chupacabra for Margaritas... The gal at the Chupacabra knew where the bats were, but it didn't keep me from having two...



Then we went back to plug the meter... *shifty* and register for my conference (they didn't allow check-in until 5). It's possible we were loud and obnoxious, but nobody brought it up later, so at least I've got that going for me.



Then we walked down to try to see the bats, who unfortunately insisted on sleeping until sunset, and Stacy had to pack for a 5am drive to Dallas (Hopefully her peeps were stellar at their competition) so we gave up.

Conference conference conference

Then FRIDAY, I got to meet CAROL!

Stolen from here

Now Carol and I don't have the same zany history as Stacy and I do, but it was FABULOUS to meet for a bowl of soup and cup of coffee... chat books—mystery strategy, pantsing versus planning... learn about each other—she's FABULOUS! I really enjoyed it!



I have a few more topics from my conference, but I think I will sprinkle them a little. I hope to make a good run at catching back up with my peeps (meaning all of you) this week. It's sort of strange being gone... I've lost a follower here... SEVERAL on Twitter... though I think there there is a software somethingorother that drops people who don't post statuses or something... SURELY I can't be more offensive ABSENT than PRESENT otherwise...



I am glad to be back and looking forward to catching up!

News of Llamas and Penguins

Art what I found here

So you all KNOW I am off line until at least Sunday, yes? I won't have internet today or Saturday really at ALL, and Thursday is JAM packed... Friday I will check, but it won't be a lot of time to play (I DO get to meet Carol for coffee though! SQUEEEE!) And I get to spend much of Wednesday with my good buddy Stacy... so don't feel too sorry for me... And when I announced on Twitter I'd packed 3 pairs of shoes, all silver, I got a marriage proposal, so I've got that going for me... MAN I will be glad to get out of this sorry excuse for spring...40 degrees, 80 degrees, no kidding, 34 degrees... GRRRRR. I am SO OVER anything under 60! Go away and don't show yourself until September!



And so when I searched for llama and penguin... I find this BLOG post: A Penguin, an Italian and a Llama Walk into a Bar  *snort* and it's a blog about cookies... mostly, but there is this joke:

What’s black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white?

It’s a penguin rolling down a hill.

*dies* I think I'm in love...



(Mari, there are Japanese culture lessons, too)

Now for the Great News



Everybody shout a big SQUEEEEEEEEE for Jenny Milchman! Jenny is one of my ABNA friends, and she is a true writer's writer—she has spent hours on hours helping promote others, helping hundreds (even thousands) of people polish their pitches—she is truly one of the good seeds. And she's had a long and often heartbreaking journey—two different books earning agents, getting publisher interest... and time and time again, killed at the editorial board level... ALMOST after SO MUCH hope has gone into it... but this week her book COVER OF SNOW was picked up by the great Linda Marrow (editor of favorites such as Nancy Pickard and others) at Ballantine! YAY for persistence and keeping atter!!!

See, PENGUINS wear RED shoes

And the NOT as Great News



Still no call, still no email... no parade, no chariot, no cabana boys bringing me a bouquet... pretty darned sure I'm out at ABNA... One day, I could pretend, but we are now into the 3rd... that short list of 6 next week will not include me...







Really Lousy News



So apparently the world is ending Saturday. Sorry about that. I'm sure glad though, to have spent the last two years getting to know Yibus. Probably won't manage to be published by then... But I suppose those are the breaks.







Erm... And When I see you Sunday, we can all mock the world's nuts... so that will be fun...



Have a great week, everyone! 

Sneaksy

So you may not know this about me, but... I'm a big cheater!



Okay, so not usually, but I am killing two birds with one stone with today's blog... You see... Rachael, at Rach Writes has issued a Blogger Crusade Challenge in which we needed to start a blog with that! HA! My CHEATING comes into play because I am using it to link to a post I wrote already... But here... I will use the phrase again to make up for it...



You may not know this about me, but a couple weeks ago I tried out to be a guest blog for Nathan. I'm not that serious a wannabe (really I'd rather just dress him up and make him dance like I like) but the chance to reach a darned big audience tempted me... and I succumbed... I deserve a spanking.

But I promised HERE that if I didn't make it THERE, I would share it with you anyway... you get me better than all those silliness peeps anyway... (okay, maybe WE are the silliness peeps, but we sure seem to have a lot more fun and a fair amount less pretense... not NATHAN—I am thankful for what he does, but I frequently get annoyed with his commentors, even if I sometimes AM one. --is my hypocrisy showing?)



So REALLY rather than being a big cheater, I just am sort of sneaksy as to how I apply the rules...



Now without further ado... my GUEST POST THAT WASN'T!





Bloginality:  The The Type of Bloggers and their Attitudes



I recently had a heated debate with one of my writing peeps.  You see... she doesn't blog.  She thinks we are all a lot of brown-nosing ninnies, blowing smoke up each others' skirts.  And while I am not opposed to a little skirt peeping (provided they are kilts, worn in the traditional 'commando' manner, I mean) I just couldn't take the disrespect, so I decided to assess the VIEW of blogging from the viewpoint of blogger 'types'.



Pre-blogger:  "What a bunch of literary masturbation that is! A bunch of people all writing about themselves and screaming, 'Hey!  Come look at ME!  Read what I have to say!'" *cough*  Masturbation is engaged in by billions... it is ENJOYABLE.  Some people even like to WATCH (can I say that here? Was I supposed to stick to PG?)



Promo-blogger: "My agent and editor said I have to blog... 365 days all about my book, book and more book!  But dang it, why doesn't anybody ever return?" Okay kind friend... because we read about the BOOK the first time.  If you say nothing new, I don't need to come back.  In fact... if I didn't know about the book ALREADY, I probably wouldn't have wandered in.

Eager-Beaver-blogger:  "HEY!  I can get an agent this way!  If I follow all the agent blogs and make really clever comments, they will pick ME!  This is GREAT!" These folks are a little like Jack Russells... real cute until they annoy you to death.  They are NOT however, as smart as Jack Russells.  Getting agents by blog is a 1 in 132,000,000 shot. (yes, I'm a statistician)



Anti-blogger: "It's prostitution!  You are out there begging for comliments and nobody is going to tell you what they really think.  You've sold out!"  Oh, sweetness... ALL business is prostitution.  If you ever want to get published, you are going to have to prostitute yourself a little bit.  If you give in to the FUN part of it, it is much less painful.  If you refuse to engage, then your book will likely never get read. If you get naked, maybe you will be a best seller one day.



Follower-frenzied blogger:  "If I follow everyone and their dog, and hold giveaways and contests, and enter every blogfest, I will soon have a thousand followers!"  You might.  You might not.  This is the suck-up from high school who KNEW everybody but nobody liked because they were incapable of true friendship.  The followers WILL probably show up... the readers will go away again because there is no reciprocity.





Networking blogger:  "You know... I can't keep up well, if I try to keep up with everyone, so I am going to pare down my blogroll to the bloggers I really read, and I will follow people I can count on when I really need to work the system."  This smart cookie of a blogger has a ton of helpful links, passes on EVERYBODY'S contests and promos, and is really fighting the good fight.  But she is probably not nurturing HERSELF.  Some people may LOVE this, but it takes a certain personality.



Enlightened blogger: "I do this because I enjoy it.  If people like me, they will come.  If I like them, I will follow them back.  But I'm not too worried about the hype.  I am just processing.  It's all good." I envy this person, not worried at all about the hit counters or the follower numbers... only reading what they have time for, content with a handful of comments a day (because the commenters they have REALLY LOVE THEM.



As for me, I suppose I am a masturbating, networking prostitute.  I've always said, if you want people to keep coming back, you either need to be helpful or entertaining, and I'm not really a utility model.



***



So there you have it... I think Nathan just may not have wanted to be so naughty... definitely a man in need of lingerie training...

Romans

And in case you don't read Norwegian, it says:  "Caesar says we can switch to sandals, but we have to keep the skirts."



This just tickles my cross-dressing fancy to no end, and I will give you three guesses (though chances are you only need one) as to where this came from... Oh, sure, I know three Norwegians, but only one passes me comics on a regular basis





This of course REMINDED me of my very favorite depiction of Romans in EXISTENCE....

This scene is hysterical.  Haiw Caesaw!



And I thought you needed some You Tube Links to my favorite scenes:



The Stoning



Biggus Dickus



And the one all writers should love best: Romans Go Home

Quirky or Quacked?

This really elegant post of Elizabeth Mueller's yesterday reminded me of an experience I had not so long ago... it is so funny, because Elizabeth's post was touching and warm and fuzzy.  This experience was... not that... in fact I'd venture to say it fit well for Delusional Thursday...



So picture the lovely fall day in Ann Arbor... the sky is blue, the air is brisk for no coat but too warm for a coat... the Tart, always erring on the side of fewer clothes, has her coat hanging from her backpack and is reading a book (Mockingjay, I think).



A little old man who looks marginally professorly says, "Oh, is that a good book?" as she passes.



The Tart, knowing she is overly reclusive, and loving the book, slows to tell him a little about it.



"Oh, I don't really read much."



pause



"I write."



AHA!  So the Tart thinks she has found a kindred spirit and asks him what kind of writing he DOES.

He proceeds to pull a notebook out of his coat pocket. Two by three inches, I swear.  He opens it and pulls out one of those little pencil stubs you can imagine GOING with said notebook.  Then he OPENS the notebook to show me he does indeed WRITE in it... Weather.  Things he bought.  Things he needs.



Can you see me dying a little?  I don't want to OFFEND this little old man, but that was NOT what I was thinking!

So anyway, I hope all of your Thursday delusions are more satisfactory, and if all else fails, you KNOW what Thursday is for! 



GET NAKED! NOW!

Mildred’s Tale

This is sort of Halloween themed… When I was in college I was in a sorority—I won’t name it.  My local sisters all got the Naked ME, but I’m not so sure the national council would see it that way, but anyway… we had a brother fraternity… and the brother fraternity happened to live in the house that was originally OUR house.  Now this fraternity (or rather, the house) had a GHOST.  The ghost went by the name of Mildred.  Mildred was NOT a former Figi (obviously, as she was female), so the story GOES that Mildred was one of US.





I rushed as a sophomore (on a dare, but never mind; and for those of you who have never contemplated it: rush is the process of choosing a Greek house on a college campus--but while you choose them, they also choose you--it can be ugly); the University of Oregon didn’t start school until late September.  Once started, there were often parties on the weekends, paired with a fraternity, but the first BIGGIE was a Halloween party... with out brother Figis—the THEME?  Mildred’s Wake.

You see... according to the social chair (a girl named Meagan who was very tempting to believe because mostly I fell over laughing when she talked) MILDRED NEEDED US! She was in agony and needed this wake to put her at PEACE.

So we all got costumed. To go to the party we walked through Pioneer Cemetery, a detail that freaked out a few of my sisters. Me? Cemeteries are a little cool... in fact a few years later, I had sex in the same cemetery, but don't tell anyone—it's in poor taste. *cough*

But anyway, when we got to the Figi's, a tale was told about Mildred... her depression... suicide... her HAUNTING...

Mildred was picked upon... Sad...

But as a ghost Mildred had a sense of humor... she interrupted at... rather obnoxious times.

She was compassionate: showing up for people needing sympathy.

She was annoying: creating an alternate noise when someone was trying to... be sneaky.

The consensus was... Mildred was a bit strange... Many Fijis SWORE they had had a Mildred experience...

Our wake for Mildred was a GLORIOUS party. It was briefly solemn, stories of her death... but the tales of her haunting changed the tone quickly.  Our Figi brothers were a good match for the quick switch--they really appreciated Mildred. It then became an enjoyable celebration of Mildred's life, an appreciation of her ghostly humor...

Any of you had any 'real ghost' experiences?

I am mostly a skeptic about paranormal, but ghosts are a different matter to me—mostly because of how I see life... as an energy concentration of sorts... I think it is possibly some people are so concentrated they manage to stick around a while... or something... So I'd love to hear evidence for or against ghosts...

Mockingjay

Totally late on a Mockingjay review... I LOVED the book (unlike my poor friend Leigh who wasn't pleased). My thought on the matter is this. War is dark. Love triangles are sticky. I really felt like it was the book it needed to be. I thought what happened to Peeta was exactly right-- realistic, given their reality... and REDEEMING for a skeptic like yours truly who never quite found him a worthy interest before this.

Yes, war is ugly. I admire Collins for not shying away from what was necessary to keep this compelling.

It was just a darned good book.

Movie/Writer Melding

Cheap Therapy is holding a MOVIE Bloghop on the 18th for movies about WRITERS.  Now I know the brainstorming can be a little rough, but there are some great ones, so why not join the fun!?

Irritating Itch

So ya know how you work your butt off for a sustained period of time, and you manage what feels like a great accomplishment? It's good, yes?

On Friday I sent my Cozy to my writing peeps—about half of the Burrow volunteered to read... three were supposed to read as I finished chapters, and I tried, but because the typing lagged, and then I got unhappy with the 3rd quarter, I didn't GET IT all to that batch, so I sent it to that batch PLUS the batch that was supposed to get the 'whole thing'--they got the CLEANED whole thing—I wasn't willing to send TO ANYONE the thing I finished in August... that 3rd quarter had me grumbling and unhappy with it, and I wasn't sharing yet...



So getting it to the place I was willing to share was sort of big. And there was a big giant breath of air.



And I'm waiting to exhale.



Oh, that was bad. But the metaphor applies...



You see... I'm feeling...



Loss.



I keep trying to get my footing again, and my wheels are spinning.





I HAVE managed to clean up my to do stuff, and my PLAN is to read through my thoughts for future novels.

What I WANTED to be doing right now is editing LEGACY... I REALLY want to have another novel cleaned up to start querying at the beginning of the year. But I just can't seem to focus. I DO intend to start reading it today and maybe once I'm immersed the editing mojo will flow. But at the moment I am feeling BAFFLED... The writing... the editing... Heck, I'm having trouble writing a BLOG post. (though I did write a fan fiction update and if you like Harry Potter at all, and are SUPER twisted, you might like this... it is styled after the television show SOAP, but about the Black Family... so there...



Mrs. Skowers











Idea Inventory



When it IS time to write again... 3 weeks from now, I have mentioned the 6 ideas for books nagging at me, and I thought I'd throw broad brushes at all of you to see if you had a preference as to what I wrote for NaNo... I may not listen—I am stubborn that way... but I might. A few of them are 'too heavy' for a WriMo, but I'd still love to hear which ideas are appealing—which stories you think will have PUNCH to sell...



How's that?





THREE YAs





Player Down: Two high school friends, once close, and trying to stay connected, but whose lives have diverged, still eat lunch together daily in the woods next to their school. One day, while eating and talking, they find a body—the star forward from the Basketball team. (stand-alone murder mystery)

The Pleiades: SERIES. A group of middle school girls (a boy eventually joins)--outcasts, each in their own way. The narrator has a larger mysterious arc, but the books will deal with real life stuff, one big issue a book (using super powers they pretend to have): domestic abuse, eating disorders, homophobia. The Pleiades has to do with the bond originally formed in 'constellations' of zits on their backs (gross, yes? But as the bond forms in being PICKED ON—it is locker room stuff)





The Armageddon one: International attack of some sort knocks out power, kills a lot of people, family (?) group? Only young? Decided to flee west where they know of a place they can get by hiding on the land—hunting, growing... so it is primarily a survivalist thing as they try to make their way across the US in the midst of war. (this isn't really on the NaNo board—the idea is a long-stewing one I will eventually write—born out of the 'Tomorrow When the War Began' series and following dreams... but I think it had been seeded even before that/





ADULT stuff



An Armageddon here, too...  This one, though,... is a Conspiracy story... People are dying... ALL OVER,by the thousands. A reporter and CDC worker (romantically attracted, eventually) end up being the ones who piece together that the origin is in the year's flu shots. They work together to untangle who would DO such a thing. Parallel, a Televangelist is claiming THIS is it and promising the path to salvation (at a large profit) and a dozen other groups are taking advantage...

Microbrew Semi-Cozies: Ever since reading Earthly Delights-- the naughtier sister of the cozy mystery—it seemed that was really what was for me. I thought about 'craft' and 'interest' and 'location' and decided I would LOVE to do a mystery series based in Portland... a female microbrewery owner (her sidekick the hot brewer)--so I could write microbrew... cross those propriety lines a little, but still use the amateur sleuth, sassy format... It won't SHOW the gore, but would probably be darker in theme than most cozies... won't stick with 'hated victim'--but I think the 'fun' of the cozy can be carried to something a little more... bad girl... (you know how I want to be bad...)





Okay, so that is five, not six... I HAVE another, but it is totally different genre and not actually on the near playing field... and there is that half done one I want to get back to eventually, but not just yet... The two Armageddon ones will NOT my my WriMo... any of the others might...



But I'd love feedback on any of them!

Giggles

I thought really seriously about blogging about G-Men today—I DO love a good conspiracy theory, but the fact of the matter is, beside being a Squeeing fan-girl, my knowledge of government employees is limited to my dedication to the television shows X-Files and Alias (though I am currently watching season 2 of 24)... I just wouldn't have that much to offer you by way of information.



I AM however, handy at finding some snort-worthy stuff... where I remember, I will credit the people who passed them on...

First we will start with a pigeon with a very good sense of humor... or perhaps a death wish... hopefully there is no kitty door, or he is feathers by now...

And of course this is followed by a counter flashing campaign...

But that is not enough for those cats who would conquer the world... we have the cat-world plotting REVENGE, because being mooned makes them punchy... and mooning back is not enough...













And NOW we will turn to some true Tartisms...



Mari knows me well...

 

Accompanying this picture, when she passed it on, was a note about things being funnier because she knew us (us, being ME... I can be overpowering that way, though admittedly, she also meant the rest of the Burrow, and undoubtedly is also related to the cross-dressing death eaters...

And here we have evidence as to why mathematics was for so long dominated by men (also from Mari, though this wasn't intended for me specifically (at least she didn't say so) *cough*

And then we have my happiness plan... A former co-worker, Deena, sent this to me... she knew me well, I'd say...

And this one came from BrioNI... the poignancy of nudism is very clear...

FINALLY!

(financial flattening and flamingos)

I don't talk about this much. Only a few of my closest peeps have heard me grumble in any detail about money, but we've lived on the precarious wire above not quite making it on the one side and really not making it on the other for most of our married lives. I have a good job, but hubby, between mental health issues and lack of training has had a lot of trouble holding anything. Two years ago, in 2008, he was laid off and we committed to him going to school to learn an employable skill (YAY!)



But our precarious position became that much harder. Then last year, the University had a wage freeze, so I didn't get my measly 3% increase that has NEVER matched the cost of living increase.



A lifetime of decent credit made 'getting by' work for a while, but I have to admit, the prospect of my first advance check seemed like a dreamy answer to at least some small portion of my financial questions. But I got this deal in JUNE. The contract was signed in August (already snails pace).



FINALLY, last night, the advance check came (I drove downtown to deposit it same night). The scary thing is it was BARELY in time. I have been mondo stressed over this.  Man, am I looking forward to paying all my bills right when I get them for a couple months!

Fictional Paths



I also have some groundwork to lay for being a PUBLISHED author. I need to pay for my web domain (and figure out how to make a website), I need to buy the tax software so this doesn't end up COSTING as much as I MAKE on it (because I understand the deductions are pretty darned important for making the money go further—like even deducting the little corner of my basement that holds my computer and provides such scary inspiration... too bad I can't deduct the bathtub... darned those other people who use it!





Facing Fears

So I did something that is possibly reckless yesterday. I entered the contest to guest blog for Nathan. You know, THE Nathan... well other than THE THE Nathan (whose butt is pictured here)... but the literary Nathan. I probably won't get it and nothing will come of it, but I have great fear of being a wannabe. I really HATE the kiss-ass, “MEEEEEEE” thing that sometimes goes on among his commenters (not all--most seem normal, but there are some regular irritants in there). But still, I felt compelled. I think it is because I want to be like my long-lost twin Simon who earned Nathan recognition and a bizillion followers (not that I admit to being after followers EXACTLY, but I do wanna be like Simon...)



Anyway... if it gets posted THERE, I will send you. If it DOESN'T, I will eventually post it HERE...

Public Enemy #1

You know how you have these fabulous intentions and these detailed plans, and you are SURE you are going to succeed? You have the goods—talent, persistence, STAMINA... But somebody keeps getting in your way? Sound familiar? Well I've SPOTTED HER! I now KNOW who she is! The person who keeps getting in my way with all her wily... erm... wiles... Are you dying to know?



Thank you Mari for your sleuthing! I couldn't have found her without you!



http://www.growersaunaturale.com/nudify.php?imageid=567



Seriously though, this site Mari found, when SHE was being HER own Public Enemy #1, she came across by plugging 'Nudify' into google (see what a good friend her Public Enemy #1 is of MY Public Enemy #1? It really is quite shocking we haven't conquered the world yet). I love a business with a sense of humor...





In Good Company



Seems a lot of us have been blogging about overwhelmingnesstion... errrr... Too much on our plates... Helena at Becoming Layla joined me in the overwhelmed category...  and Jessica at Alliterative Allomorph did the same...



I have seen great advice to get past it.  Patricia Stoltey gave some very Zen ways to take a short break and then get back to task. Mari gave some good ways to AVOID doing what I should, and Tara reminded us WHY I do what I do.

So I thought maybe the answer was to spread a little writerly love. I found this at Lola's Place:





My Lesson



I managed to get out of my own way and accomplished several of the things on yesterday's lists. Oh sure, there is still PLENTY to do, but when I put my nose to the grindstone, work an hour, reward with a limited break, work an hour, reward... I got two BIGGIES at work out of the way, plus some of the home stuff... And I ate on points! (and there was much rejoicing)



Today (tomorrow, from when I am writing) is my first 'double delivery' of Thing 1 to swimming at 5 am, but I am just going to match her for my exercise mornings—it will give me an extra workout each week, which can hardly hurt.



So I just wanted to thank all you wonderful friends who, from the same boat, managed to encourage me anyway!

Anxiety Dreams

In the wee hours of Monday morning I found myself in a frantic state. I couldn't find the shoes to go with... wait. My outfit kept changing—people (the many people I mysteriously lived with) kept running off with the accessories I needed.. ( I KNEW there was a reason I became a nudist!) Where was my schedule? Damn! I couldn't even remember home room! The shower wouldn't work. Where did the time keep slipping? Why did the notebook and pen keep disappearing. How could I go to class?!

Why the heck am I having anxiety dreams about school starting?



Maybe because... erm... School's starting? Not for ME of course, but I have COMMITED to several starting type activities, so I am falling into that boat, too.



I have some beliefs about anxiety dreams, and I am going to share them with you.





Why They Happen



A mind with too much to keep track of decides to torture us further by ensuring our SLEEP is not restful and we never get a chance to recover. Aren't minds evil? And here I was SURE I was only naughty.



So I need to deal with how much I have to deal with, on top of dealing with what I have to deal with. Is this the definition of SUCK or what?



I can't come up with any biological benefit whatsoever of these dreams, unless, like a drug addict, my body is craving adrenaline, which is possible. Though honestly, I'd prefer I dreamed I injured myself and got a nice dose of endorphines. Natural pain killer would be pretty sweet about now.





Anxiety and Writing



Not happening. Anxiety saps creative juices FAST. Why do you think writing and QUERYING go together so badly? FORTUNATELY, writing and EDITING seem to get along pretty well. They are the obnoxious people you invite to the party who are making embarrassing gestures in the corner and nobody wants to be near, but after the party, they are all anyone wants to talk about. Happy people are so much less memorable than the paranoid or the twitchy.



So Anxiety, DO YOUR WORST! I can take you! (provided I get to call the venue, and I am calling the pudding pool, or wrestling).



How does a person HANDLE anxiety?

DUH! By making LISTS!!!!

Oh, I know, lists are fun, and anxiety isn't supposed to be fun, but this is my party, so there.

To Do: Work



THE FREAKING GRANT

Finish the data merge

Analyze THAT data

IRB for that one study

Hire students for the year

Get those three papers written (ouch—this means I'm behind)

Keep up with the recruiting *yaks hairball*



To Do: KIDS



Fill out all start of work paperwork

Write checks

Find money to cover checks

Argue with spouse because that seems to be par for the course

Money (that I don't have) into school lunch accounts

Buy school supplies

Get daughter to daily doubles for Hill Week (Swimming)

Read the paperwork that DIDN'T need to go back

To Do: Home



Finish laundry (is this EVER done?)

Clean cat box

Update spyware on both computers

Find basement floor

Do single mom makes dinner thing (hubby has Tuesday night class)



To Do: Writing



Finish first edits Chapters 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21

Enter first edits 12-21

Work in BIG edits

Get book to first set of 'full book' readers

Print out book on one of young minions for beta reading

Buy tissues for said book, as I have some idea what to expect

Catch up on blog reading.





To Do: Eating/Fitness



COUNT POINTS COUNT POINTS COUNT POINTS

Assessment of cupboards for foods that would make this all easier

A little meditation and that acupressure thing to get in the ZONE.





I guess my only effective method of dealing with anxiety is head on. That is why the lists sort of work. How about all of you? Anyone have any secret tricks besides denial?



And GOOD LUCK to any of you starting new endeavors for the school year!

Free Time

Since my children flew across the country last Wednesday, I've decided the topic of free time needed to be explored and I've discovered some facts you MAY not know. I say MAY, because it is conceivable you've been keeping these misconceptions to yourselves in an evil plot to ridicule those of us who didn't know... it is plausible, even, that you are foul temptresses, taunting me with something that doesn't exist, in which case I mostly forgive you. But if you DIDN'T know 'free time' was only a myth, then in spite of MY OWN foul temptress leanings, I am here to set you straight.

Obligations Rise to Meet Availability



So my kids left Wednesday. You know what I had to do Wednesday night? GO TO A MEETING. I think I've been clear on my feelings about meetings.



Oh yes, you might argue the meeting would have still existed had the children still been present, but you see, had the children been PRESENT, then the meeting would have been an ESCAPE. Instead, with no children present, the meeting was TORTURE.



I think you can follow me on the math here... it's fuzzy math—the variety used by economists, but there is no flaw in my calculations. Something that is one thing in one circumstance, is another thing altogether in another. It has to do with opportunity costs, uncomfortable chairs and silly hats.

Pernicious Pestilence



And by pestilence I mean... erm... cleaning the bathroom. Doing the laundry. All those little projects I HATE. So much of my time is eaten by these little annoying things... Why can't they invent a self-cleaning bathroom... a self-cleaning litter box... self folding laundry... Any of you out there with an entrepreneurial spirit and a skill for inventing, those things would make you very very rich, and make ME very very happy... so happy, in fact, that you would be guaranteed a chair as a minor deity once the Naked World Domination Tour has completed it's takeover.

The Project Monster



So when the childings are gone and you are left alone with Mr. Tart, rather than the normally romantic leanings a proper man ought to have, this particular one looks around and says, “Maybe we could get some stuff done.”



Say what? Why?



Let's chop down the trees!



*Tart's internal Ent growls*



To be fair, it was actually my NEIGHBOR'S suggestion. The trees were between her garage and our fence... And while I LOVE the trees, they DO intertwine inappropriately with several varieties of wires... they were in fact SLUTTY trees, all tangled up all over the place, indiscriminate about who they wrapped their arms around...



And to be REALLY REALLY FAIR, my neighbor, as she recruited my husband for the tree murder project, she said, “and Tam, you can sit by the pool and write!” WOOHOO! (Did I tell you my neighbor is my hero?) So Saturday had me first editing, then typing, then even a little READING, which hubby climbed in the roof of neighbor's garage and cut branches, then they felled these trees as close to 'between wires' as they could manage, though there were admittedly some wires were loath to let go of their leaferly lovers...



Still, it was the best free time I GOT this weekend. And it wasn't FREE. It was a GIFT.

Bad Poetry and Contracts

So yesterday was Bad Poetry Day. I bet you didn't even know there WAS a bad poetry day. I know I hadn't. But my friend Sketchie (the SPAZ, you may recall) pointed it out, so I proceeded to write the following:



I hope that I shall never sit

beside an ocean full of... rotten food.

The smell that wafts upon the air

Is worse than wearing underwear.



Of course that isn't the first time I've written bad poetry. I am relatively adept at the limerick. Here is an early work from my Harry Potter days:



St. Patrick's Day Limerick (blame Tara, she got me started)

James was the Marauder who loved Lily

Sometimes it made him act silly

He gave her the eye

To let her know he's not shy

but she threatened to cut off his [rhymes with silly]





Sirius Black was the hot one

An unusual day when he got none

They've been lining up

Since he was a pup

And the consensus has been that it's awesome





Poor remus just howled at the moon

Not knowing that poor ladies swooned

His honor too much

His love life a bust

But fandom adoration is his boon





And then we have young master Pettigrew

We wrinkle our nose like he's mildew

Did he really go bad

Or was he a bit mad

But in the end at least he get's his due





Full circle, we're now back at James

Or Prongs in Marauding names

He stood up for his friends

To the darkest of ends

but his legacy's certainly no shame





So anyway, I invited my friends to write bad poetry and had this entry by our own buddy B. Miller:

O, Fickle Peep!

Why doest thou flitter hither and thither so?

Art thou mad?

...No!

Thou art simply puffy.





Thine grit is so sweet!

Make love to my tummy, O Peep!





O yes, your eyes shall be plucked,

your body burned.



(pastoral, I think... for Easter)





And Lance, (Sketchie's brother... a fact I find suspicious) wrote a series of

"Haiku For Real Men":



Driving down the street

I see a smokin' hot chick

I whistle at her









Drank too many beers

I bend over the toilet

And puke my guts out





Joris did some translating:



Chirp chirp - chirp chirp chirp

chirp chirp chirp - chirp chirp

chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp

...chirp chirp chirp





Chirp

etc.



(the above is a translation of the poem "De mus", by Jan Hanlo)



and wrote an original:



Yes, no, please



No, yes, yes, no

yes, no

yes, no

Oh sod it.

...Dinner!



And then Kerry contributed this:



work was going slow last night

call for thunderstorms don't give us much fright

suddenly there was a call that was rather dire

as it turns out; the canopy was on fire!



And LeaAnne (not to be confused with Leanne) added:



Potty training is hell

The built up gas has an awful smell

If I just hold my breath

He'll be successful yet

At least that was what the doctor did tell



And then here is my final entry, followed by an EXPLAINER!



Forty-seven pages

mangled gibberish

binds us

eternally





Taking my power

swearing me to subserviance

I jump for joy

It's my contract!





You heard me... contract arrived last night. I read it and sent a set of questions to my agent, though was rather impressed that I understood at least 90% of the words and 20% of their meaning. I will get it mailed later today, after making my copies. Very exciting!





Say... it's my grandpa's birthday!  (or would be--he would be 91)

People Are Strange

And by people, I mean... well me. Though technically I am usually only one person. I am only PEOPLE on Thursdays. But yesterday, I got a FABULOUS Award from Simon Larter (who is quite strange, as HE clearly earned the award himself). Simon is obviously quite mad... the good kind of mad. He is sometimes hysterically funny, sometimes the epitome of snark. So what IS this strangeness award?

Text plagiarized from Simon: See, this is part of a contest being run by Cate Gardner, whose book of short stories, Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits[http://www.strangemeninpinstripesuits.com/], is forthcoming from Strange Publications[http://strangepublications.blogspot.com/]. To enter, all one does is pass along the award to other strange types and let Cate know about it to be entered for one of two prize packages (rules here).



Obviously, instead of being a man in a pinstriped suit, I will be a woman with a pinstriped tattoo, but I will accessorize so as to be a woman dressed as a man dressed as a woman... 





And so I went delving through my favorite blogs to determine which could be determined truly STRANGE... and so with much prancing about naked, I pass on the Strange Blog Award to:





Blog O' Cheese: Abe is a first grade teacher, which would make pretty much ANYBODY strange, but as evidenced by such blogs as the Pooping Bandit, he truly has embraced the ideology.



Boonsong Somboon's Thailand Photos: Boonsong has a delightful tone to his description that lets you know he means something completely different... talking about how lucky his wife is by describing the things she has to put up with. I am learning a TON about Thailand, but the STRANGE is something you may have to aesthetically absorb... maybe it is the house gecko, or the yard cows... I just love his perspective. It's STRANGE!





Falen Formulates Fiction: Sarah is pretty amusing and clearly a little zany, but the strangeness comes in when Yvie takes over. Yvie is a NUT! (and a dog) and I love her excitement and Friday words. Also love the critter strangeness.

The Giraffability Of Digressions: Mari has truly beautiful observation skills that can make even the most mundane observations into hysterical stories. I particularly love her word-smithery—very creative. To her credits are Hing, Ne, Giraffability, and the religion of Digressionism.





Procrastion Princess: Tara is wacky and bizarre. She would have us believe it is because she is Welsh, and having Welsh blood myself, I am willing to buy that, but the idea that a whole (near) country (former country?)... how do you classify Wales, when it is part of Britain? Anyway, all you need to do is check out Tara's Taff stuff to know how strange SHE is.



Quiddity Of Delusion: Mark writes speculative fiction, which probably is an adequate synonym for strangeness without further explanation. I love Mark's humor, and I particularly love his strange take on nearly everything.



Random Thoughts From a Beer Wench:  ET is strange in a little different way than most of these... it's like taking a hit of speed and diving into beer... literally... her energy jumps off the page at you (she actually has TWO blogs, and the erotica one is also fabulous, but a little more serious on the writing front)... The beer stuff is nearly always a little trippy.







You know I DID observe that I seem to have known the MAJORITY of these strange people for quite some time... I think we are drawn to each other.









On a few other notes:



I saw some FABULOUS blogs this week... they don't really fit with the STRANGE theme, but they still need to be recommended:



Elizabeth shared a link this week on how to write better and it is GREAT: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/jacketcopy/2010/07/janet-fitchs-10-rules-for-writers.html



Not Hannah had a truly moving post this week on facing one of life's truly difficult moments: http://www.imnothannah.com/2010/08/tom-delay-can-kiss-it.html







And just to let you know... I am SORELY behind on typing, so this weekend I am going to take a break... I will be back Monday. Have a FABULOUS weekend!

HEAR ME!

So today I am also at Burrowers, Books & Balderdash, reviewing some dozen or so books I've never read (as it's Delusional Thursday and all), so I'd love you to come by THERE for some reading recommendations!

But for HERE...



So there is a point of confusion I have, and I thought maybe we should talk about it. We ALL know Adverbs are evil, ne? We carefully perform an Adverbectomy on our very first rewrite... adverbs are TELL, not SHOW. Got it. That isn't the part that confuses me.



What confuses me is MANY agents and publishers say that for dialog tags, they ONLY use said or asked. I've read several blogs to this effect—I swear I'm not making it up. And I want to know

WHY!?!?





I thought maybe I'd review a list of synonyms of 'said' and we could talk about what the heck is so wrong with them, because I don't get it.



Synonyms when I looked it up: Added, continued, stated, announced, asserted, commented, declared, observed, remarked, reported.



Okay, I take it back. For THESE, I get why we stick to said. These mostly seem like they are trying too hard, but what about:



Whispered: This is a word that gives an indication of mood, tone... it is a pretty darned descriptive verb.



Shouted: I suppose in some situations, I suppose an exclamation point will suffice, but when a name needs to be paired, the 'said' is just STUPID when shouting is meant.



Muttered (I have characters in EVERY book who want to mutter!) What the heck is WRONG with muttering! It is a personality indicator!

*cough* Okay. I'm calm now...





Oh, now HERE is a nice list... from a CLASSROOM, no less! Teachers teach kids to VARY their words. Why the heck are writers not supposed to?



And NOW, A Delusional Thursday twist, because, THAT is what I do... Some dialog with my FAVORITE of the verbs on the list.







The Colonization of Spankmenow



For the uninitiated, Planet Spankmenow is a rather pleasant place, filled with Cabana boys, fruity rum drinks, and lots and lots of laughter (founded by the spaz, to be introduced soon). One arrives there by traversing the portal, otherwise known as 'the veil at the dais, in the Deathroom in the Ministry of Magic—this is a Harry Potter reference, people. And YES, you heard me. Sirius Black LIVES. And we have him in handcuffs. But I digress.

So a Queen, A Tart, A Cat, A Spaz, and Giraffe, go through a veil...



“Tail!” The cat hissed.



“Couldn't help myself,” the Spaz teased.



“You're old enough to be my mother!” the cat spat.



“Who isn't?” the Tart quipped.



“I'm not,” the Giraffe dared.



“Me neither,” the Queen sassed.



“You catching this?” the Spaz telepathically transmitted.



The Tart nodded and the two speculated the punishments of the wee ones non-verbally.



“Spare the Queen; she made our lovely outfits,” the Spaz pleaded.

“Yes, but her years of leadership ought to have taught her better!” the tart insisted. The Tart waved her wand and the lot of them were turned to newts.



“Sorry,” the Cat-Newt whimpered.



“Did you know we can climb walls like this!?” the Giraffe-Newt marveled.



“I have some really juicy gossip on the Tart if you change me back, Spaz,” the Queen tempted.



“Well...” speculated the Spaz.



“Okay, Sketchie,” the Tart reasoned with the Spaz, “Do you REMEMBER a certain Cowboy, Rockets lost weekend circa 2006?”



“Nup. Not bargaining!” the Spaz admitted.

But then the Tart, being a benevolent dominatrix, returned all to their original forms.



“Next time, kitty, Ix-nay on the other-may with your oddesses-gay... erm... or something like that...” the Tart angled-may.





So there you have it. Did you MISS 'said'? Can't it be more fun without?