The USA and My Mother

The parallel problems of a woman with Authority issues.

I should probably warn you right of the bat that it is likely I will offend anyone who is very patriotic. That's what I do though, stick my foot in my mouth, and this pair of relationships really DOES have a lot in common, so there you have it.

I'm a bad patriot. And a bad daughter.

You see, I don't like to be told what to do. I sort of live my life more along the lines of the Hippocratic oath than any following of laws, per se. Just because it is the rule, is JUST not good enough. I admit most rules are rules to avoid people getting hurt (those I follow) or to help us coordinate with each other (those are mostly okay), but the 'it's the law' never flew with me.



I am of the belief that world empirical domination of nations have about a century per country to run their course. The Dutch had the 1600s. The British the 1700s. The French the 1800s.... and the USA the 1900s. But you see, in the few decades of 'no longer able to make everybody bend at our feet' ALL these countries have behaved badly for a while. It is currently the US's turn.



This is not to excuse it. Just to point out that I think it is the natural course of events. So there are A LOT OF PEOPLE in the US trying to 'go back' to some (mythical, I might add) good old days, and trying to force other nations to RECOGNIZE our superiority, which frankly, we just don't have anymore.



But a girl isn't supposed to criticize her mother... I promise at the end I will try to make some amends. How's that?



But first I want to go through some of the trouble, where I am concerned...

Disparate Desires

(what she says/what she really means)



My Mother

“I want you to have choices!” (to work or stay home)/but under no circumstances are you to allow your partner those choices—HIS only option should be to work. Choice is for you alone.



“You can't count on somebody else taking care of you—you need skills.”/And nobody should count on YOU either. Only inferior people can't take care of themselves financially.

“You are such a strong, independent woman.”/But I'm too sensitive for that, so don't inflict any of that strength on ME.



(about a woman we know who forgave a cheating husband) “She is so forgiving, amazing really. I don't know if I could have done that.”/because forgiveness is something we TALK about being good, but really that just isn't what we DO. It's all well and good in theory, but it lets people off the hook.



My Country

“Individualism and an entrepreneurial spirit are what made this country great”/but now that we're great already, it is time for everybody to fall into line.



“We are the world's melting pot.”/but the fondue is ready and we've started eating, so don't put anything ELSE in there! Anyone to arrive after world war II really is just unable to contribute, unless of course they are willing to work under the table for less than minimum wage in dangerous conditions—in THAT CASE it's just good for Capitalism.



“We have Separation of Church and State.”/but of course presume everyone is Christian, so it doesn't matter anyway... unless someone tries to do something that some small subset of this group finds offensive! THEN YOUR BUSINESS IS OUR BUSINESS!





Compounded by Daddy Issues



My dad was mostly a great big kid. He was too loud. He drank too much. (funny, some people say those things about me). He was macho, and he was reckless. MOSTLY, because he was also good-natured, he was also just pretty fun, instead of scary. But you know what you DON'T want to do with a macho, reckless guy who drinks too much? Encourage him to play with explosives. The fourth of July, with my macho (need I say Patriotic—that is PART of macho in my world—or maybe the problem REALLY is that I see MACHO as part of Patriotic, and macho is not my favorite feature), reckless, drunk dad and his EXPLOSIVES was the only time he really SCARED ME.



We usually spent the fourth at my grandparents' lake cabin, located on an Indian Reservation in northen Idaho—reservations mean two things among the macho... no TAX on alcohol and cigarettes, and no LIMITS on what is legal for fireworks. This addition of explosives divided family and friends solidly into two camps. The safe, sane (boring) camp, and the reckless, drunken, blowing-shit-up camp. Explosions from one team. Shrieks from the other... usually for an entire three day weekend. And when I was a KID, I loved it.



It is currently however, tied in my mind to 1976—US Bicentennial. The fourth happened six days before my dad died driving drunk—too fast on a gravel road—and somehow the sound track for me of that memory, is the weekend of the fourth of July.



Oh, I'm mostly over it. My husband and some neighbors do a group fireworks thing in our street, and I love sitting out in the front yard—talking to neighbors, catching fireflies, drinking cocktails. I may drink too much, but I am NEVER the one blowing stuff up, and I ALWAYS plea for 'pretty lights' instead of explosions. But the fourth is STILL not my favorite holiday.

Back to being a bad patriot and daughter



I really probably need to work through the same stuff with mom and country I have with my dad... seeing the flaws, but ALSO being willing to see the good. There is good. I just have often resisted seeing it. Maybe that is what I should work on this year...



The US has AMAZING and varied geography, a fabulous collection of cultures, enough resources that a good portion of our population has a ton of opportunity (even if it bothers me that those opportunities are unfairly distributed).



And my MOM, gave me a great foundation—a belief I could do ANYTHING I wanted to do—hard work and determination were the only limiting factors. My confidence, my work ethic, my unwillingness to give up—those are from my mom. Not bad, as legacies go.



I need to work on that acceptance thing... the forgiveness I accuse my mom of not having... few things improve if we wait for everybody else to change first.



and so I don't leave you thinking I have no patriotic spirit, please enjoy the following...

Muppet Independence Day Tribute

Ropes Course Metaphor

So yesterday I was sort of snarky. I considered being less snarky today, but it seems to have fallen out of my range to be nice. Maybe I am channeling characters, or maybe I have become chronically annoyed with my newly needy family, who normally leave me the heck alone evenings, but since the advent of June, just as I jump into BuNoWriMo suddenly need to be taken to this store, have that thing purchased. My daughter wanted to make cookies last night for her forum (that's like home room, and they rotate for snack) and I said (I'm quoting here), “Only if you can do it all alone and clean up after yourself.”

You can imagine how that turned out. Forty-five minutes of my daughter and husband arguing because she had one question and his anal retentive nature then had to direct the process (noisy and annoying)... THEN, do you know what cleaning up consisted of? Putting everything in the damn sink. So my snarky self apologizes that I am taking it out on fellow authors, which I seem to be.



HOWEVER, todays blog isn't MEANT to be snarky. I am learning some serious lessons. Sadly, it is at another author's expense. And HERE I reach my metaphor (not even terribly strained!)

Ropes Course



Have you ever been to CAMP? Or a training seminar? Or a TEAM BUILDING exercise? Psychologists and government employees are frequently subjected to these things, but I feel like reaching back to Camp in High School is more instructive. What I need you to remember or imagine is being in line for a ropes course or an obstacle course.  There are pitfalls, or ways to fail... but there is also a chance to succeed.



The person in front of you GOES, and they go EXACTLY where you were planning on going. And they end up falling in the mud, stung with nettles, stung by a bee and eating ants for survival... or some similar set of tragedies. YOU my friend, now know that the way that looked so promising is full of TRAPS. YOU don't want to go that way. Oh, sure, the other way makes you conquer a fear of heights, use strength you weren't sure you had, and crawl in the dirt a little, but YOU have no lasting wounds. You also have an advantage the guy before you DIDN'T. You got to watch him mess up.





My Current Read



I am reading a mystery/thriller that has a pretty darned good underlying story. Maybe it is TOO GOOD... TOO tempting... I say that because SEVERAL of the underlying things going on are things I have USED/Considered... I think, on reading them in someone elses published book, they are too obvious... It doesn't help that the execution isn't as strong as it needs to be—the wording is more conversational than 'book', the characters are under-developed. But I SWEAR to you I can see the promise!







This poor author needed an editor who really knew the genre to pick the tale apart. But it is to my advantage.





HOW?



Because I am SEEING the traps I might have fallen into, had some agent fallen in love with my great story. Let me describe them...



1)  Too Easy: The MC has witnessed something sketchy... he's not even sure WHAT, but his best friend was involved and is now missing. He goes to the police who don't listen. (no problem so far). But THEN, he immediately finds a cop who gives him the name of a man who gives him a book... WAY too easy. (this was one of my critiques on Legacy--add a few more obstacles)  Oh, sure, he does some mopey stuff in between, but really nothing fails... he doesn't have to proactively do much...  This conversation tells him this, that venture shows him that... SCREW UP, DUDE!



What I would have done was have 'nice cop' warn him away. MC goes to where it happens and tries breaking in to look into it HIMSELF. Nice cop FINDS HIM, sees he ISN'T letting it go and THEN gives him the name. It adds an iteration of trouble, and it give the cop a REASON to give him the info (that is bigger than just seeing he's asked a couple questions—cop could logically think 'well if he won't drop it, maybe I'll give him a hand' but this doesn't WORK for a protective cop without that 'he's gunna do it anyway'.)

2)  Cliches: I really DIG secret cults that are going too far... that get caught up in themselves... Hell, CONFLUENCE features one (sort of), but THIS one, is both too cliched and too general. And the BOOK—a book with hints or answers-- I LOVE that on paper—I totally would have done it if I'd thought of it, but on the page, it was a let down... a book with some answers is just... I'm not sure... maybe if he'd had to rescue some RUMORED book from somewhere—or better yet the hidden case files from a similar case years earlier...



I just feel like a good editor would have gone through and pointed out a dozen places where things needed to be harder or more complex or less cliched, and THEN this could have been not just a 'fairly interesting' book but a really GREAT book.--Oh, sure, the female characters seem underdeveloped, and the emotions fall a little flat, but the MC is okay, and thrillers don't take their energy from character—they take it from plot.





Now this book was published at a small, regional press—they probably don't have the BUDGET for expert editors in many different genres--I mean the GRAMMAR is fine, there are no TYPOS--the LINE editing was FINE... it is the big picture editor who needed to step in. But I think if I can spot all these holes, a peer published author CERTAINLY could. I can actually HEAR Elizabeth Spann Craig as I'm reading, “so how would I add more tension to this scene?” So even with my lack of success, I feel like I could give a helpful peer reading.





Lesson One Farther



The OTHER thing this makes me realize (which oddly enough gives me some compassion for Stephenie Meyer, who I lambasted yesterday) is once a book is OUT there, it is OUT THERE--too late to improve it. And you will be judged by it. If a version of your book makes it, people will think THAT is your skill level. Do you want to be judged by a cleaned up second draft? Or do you want a dozen eyes to give you serious critiques, perform a couple rewrites, get a couple more critiques, polish and THEN get a book out there that people say, “WOW, this author can WRITE!”



I think high concept stories may suffer from under-editing. I think self-publishing suffers from under editing even without being high concept. I'm not saying DON'T DO IT. I'm not saying there aren't great books that get published this way. I'm just saying A LOT of books that get out there that way will eventually embarrass any writer who wants to be taken seriously because we HAVE TO believe in ourselves.

I am debating writing to this author... telling him the book was PRETTY GOOD, but that I felt it was under-edited, and does he have anyone he is working with on later books. I'm not sure how he'd feel about that. I'm not sure how I'd feel about it if it were me. But when the potential shines through, but the publisher clearly isn't covering there end... isn't it a FAVOR? I'm just not sure.



And because I know you care... BuNoWriMo update:  Tart is at 6036 words... pretty pictures on Saturday!

Race Relations

Sometimes I feel compelled to dive into it—I'm not sure if it is a self-destructive streak, but the honest answer is... I don't get it and I'd love to have some intelligent feedback. So here we have a mini-rant, with a real life question... Please read patiently, as I fumble a little and don't want you to take away something different than I mean.

My kids' elementary school had some press while I was gone. I had no clue until I got back, but when I heard my husband's version of details, it didn't surprise me overly much... you see, there was a scientist of some sort (possibly an astronaut) visiting the area, and a 'lunch bunch' was invited on this special field trip and nobody else got to go... fine... bonded group who has had an investment... I'm okay with that... but the fact of the matter is the scientist was Black and ONLY KIDS WHO WERE BLACK got to go (it is completely beyond me that this lunch bunch would be only black—this is NOT a segregated school, and only about 20% of the kids are black—I suspect they are an economically disadvantaged group and lunch bunch is a euphemism for a little extra school help—but the OTHER kids in this group did NOT get to go). My issue here is such a hard one to articulate, because I am a SERIOUS advocate for the fact that society has wronged MANY groups of people for a LONG time and we have some making up to do—I am an advocate of affirmative action and believe the supreme court got it WRONG when they said race couldn't be considered—a case at the University where I WORK, so I am VERY familiar.



But I ALSO am a social psychologist who knows if the selection criteria is strictly racial you open the doors to criticism of ALL SORTS, and among elementary school students who don't really understand the full social implications of history, all THEY GET is one group gets to do something and THEY don't. It creates a huge division—a chip on the shoulders of the excluded. These poor kids were 'booed' on returning from this field trip that was supposed to be a special treat. THAT is not the legacy you want from an 'opportunity'--resentment from classmates? No thanks.





Some Situational History



Now this is the principal who was VERY willing to paint my (blond, blue eyed) son a BULLY when another kid LIED about him. This principal is, I think, too ready to SEE racism in a place I just am not willing to buy it is happening. As fourth graders the fact that my son and his friends used the term gang for their 'gang of friends' HE too to mean... you know... GANG... holy CRAP, this is Ann Arbor, Michigan. REALITY NEVER COMES HERE. Among these kids with highly educated parents, it is JUST A FREAKING WORD. Both my kids have friends from several racial groups, and at the moment BOTH have black best friends (my son's has been for years the same boy, so I don't see it changing). The principal, when accusing my son, actually seemed surprised to hear this FRIEND was the group 'leader' (being a charismatic guy) but happens to also LIKE everyone, so he is not the one to ever exclude anyone. It is perhaps my son's status as this boy's best friend that caused the jealousy that led to the lies... My POINT though, is I think if my son had brown skin, the principal would have cut him a break. I think the principal WANTED to see Sam as the bad guy—real easy—tall, handsome, good-looking kid... but he is a kid who NEVER lies and is almost always nice and considerate (and a straight A student). Yes, he has a low tolerance for jackasses, but we think we've finally taught him to hold his tongue on the topic, and he only EVER said, 'you're annoying, go away'--nothing ruder. (something that when most of US were kids was the correction needed to change behavior of said annoying child)



I KNOW as a GROUP we need to ensure institutional racism doesn't happen (or rather, STOPS happening, because it's REAL)—I am SO FOR THAT I can't even get it across—sheesh-I study HEALTH disparities for a LIVING, but I feel like this INDIVIDUAL is going too far with INDIVIDUALS to counter stuff. Well I guess he got busted.



And on some level, it is too bad. It sounds like it was a good opportunity, but it also sounds like it could have been handled SO MUCH better—ALL the lunch bunch included... or maybe all the FREE LUNCH kids, then let others 'pay' to go, if they could and wanted to.



I GET wanting role models for Black kids—successful scientists are a fabulous form of that, but if you are trying to convince me that white kids don't need to see successful black role models, you don't get it. I really HOPE that isn't how they see it (though I suspect maybe the principal misses this point). Instead what they saw was a black principal offering only black kids this special trip. The lesson ALL these kids need is ANYONE can do ANYTHING. I grew up in the Stephen Hawking era, and if a quadriplegic man can do the things he did, THAT is inspirational... not that this other stuff isn't—it is... I'm just saying you don't have to be LIKE somebody to be inspired, and to get the message ANYBODY CAN achieve high standards.



So there we are... mini-rant over. What is the answer? How do we balance giving kids from disadvantaged homes a leg up without creating resentment from other kids? How do we both acknowledge our miserable racial history and move past it at the same time. I KNOW the playing field has not been leveled—it may NEVER be, but... in a place with little racism, should the rules be different than in places where it is rampant? Was this principal RIGHT and I am missing it because he mistreated my son?

Anyone out there address race in your writing? I would LOVE to hear about that. I try to not be completely white with my cast, but my familiarity... ability to be authentic, requires that be diversity that includes whites, as I just don't think I could accurately portray the interactions without reflecting my own experiences, which have always included a white person...



So maybe we should end with a nice, diverse group hug...

And on a completely different note: thirty years ago today Mt. St. Helen's blew... 



 [<--this is a before and after shot] 



they'd been saying it was going to and watching it for quite a while, so THAT wasn't terribly surprising. What WAS surprising was the direction of the wind and the warning that Moscow, Idaho, some 200 miles due east, was going to get some ash falling... and did we. School was canceled for the rest of the year. We had to wear masks for a while, and it was the STRANGEST stuff—so incredibly soft to run fingers over. I have a few pieces of pottery that have been glazed with ash and they're beautiful, but it was very surreal to have it get dark in the middle of the day and have that strange stuff falling from the sky. I guess compared to what Iceland is doing to Europe it's not so much, though I would argue the primary difference is in population density—the entire state of Idaho has maybe as many people as Cardiff... In fact it is so SPARSELY populated, that if you walk in the deep woods by the lake where my grandparents used to have a cabin, you can STILL kick up ash from under the fern leaves because nobody else has been there in the last 30 years.



So there you have it...

Parental Spanking

And not even for ME this time (even though I try to earn them with some regularity). This is an open letter to the parents and teachers of today.





Hey Fellow Parents, Esteemed Teachers:



Y'all are insane! I don't think it bodes well for our future. Let me e'splain...



SIX SUSPENDED AT MIDDLE SCHOOL FOR PINCHING: St. Patrick's Day goes awry in middle school madness!



You think I'm kidding, don't you? If my older child, the drama queen, had come home with this story, we might have questioned it. She is prone to exaggeration, and I think she truly edits events as they happen, so she remembers them the way she would have LIKED them to be (read:  DRAMATIC er... and not her fault). My son though, is a more reliable witness, so I believe him.





He is a newly budding fashionista and pays attention to things that drive my husband crazy. He's got that crazy longish hair swept way to the side so he has to hold his head tilted. He wears fragrance. All those signs he is becoming aware of GIRLS. (aware nothing, report is, he HAS a girlfriend, though at 11, I think it is pretty mild)



Night before last he asked for some help finding a green shirt. This University of Oregon grad was ashamed he didn't have a UO shirt to call on, but there we have it. We finally found a gray shirt with green stripes and called it good. What this makes me THINK however, is that among the sixth grade set, there had been some discussion, nay... anticipation... as to what happens to kids who don't wear green.



You got it. They get PINCHED. They had been anticipating standard middle school silliness, probably for a week. Now I don't know the origin of this tradition, but it's been happening for eons—well before I was in school. So why the kerfuffle?



The only reasons I can think of are:



1)  Sexual Harassment: I can see this taking a butt pinching vent and I know there is a no tolerance on sexual harassment that has been taken WAY too far. A friend of mine saw a grade school girl suspended for hugging a boy because he was holding a stuffed animal she was enamored with. My thought on this? SINGLE EVENT HARASSMENT MAKES NOT (Sorry, my Yodaish is rusty). Harassment, by definition GOES ON. That doesn't mean tolerance for inappropriate behavior, but it really DOES mean you get a warning first. And I think this pinching thing could ONLY be considered sexual harassment if it IS done in a sexual way--which I don't know that it was, but to be fair, I don't know that it wasn't.



2)  Escalation: Maybe one person pinches, another pinches back, the 2nd pinchee gets mad because they are wearing green and shouldn't have been pinched.... builds up to a fight. I can see it. Boys aren't going to pinch boys, I don't think, but there are some tough girls who might get into this cycle. Bad idea. I get it. Slippery slope, so a blanket ban on pinching. STILL, isn't a WARNING adequate?



3)  Serial pinchers: Okay, maybe these kids DID get warned and kept doing it. Then they asked for it, right?





Which leads to my next point.



ARE THESE KIDS STUPID?



How are people getting CAUGHT? Back in the day, we did a lot of this, and I'm sure we were told not to, but I can't remember anyone getting in trouble (at least not more than a 'Lance, keep your hands to yourself.' I can only think of two ways these kids are getting busted like this.



1)  They are DIM and so doing it in front of teachers.



2)  They are being tattled on.





And thus begins my doom of the world saga.





Nation of Wimps



My husband has had this book on our bedside for a long time and I've thumbed through it. For a naked chick who just thinks everyone ought to be nice to each other, it's sort of odd that I agree so strongly with most of the premise.



We have become so protective, so guarding of fragile self esteem, such advocates for equality among all, that we've created a generation that will NEVER take responsibility and can't shrug ANYTHING off. You heard me. By never letting kids fail, by not allowing their peers to chastise them into place, they don't learn what behaviors are inappropriate, they don't learn the difference between minor infractions that peers cope with WITHOUT authority intervention versus serious stuff, and they never think they are in the wrong (unless of course they are trying to correct somebody ELSES bad behavior, when in fact they get in trouble).



Long time readers may have heard me mention issues related to this with my son. My son's peer group (this was 2 years ago) was working NORMALLY (excluding a boy because he always wanted them to play his game and if they didn't he'd go tattle—making stuff up if he had to 'they said my ideas are stupid' when really they said, 'no, we already decided to play this'). My son (the mouthpiece because he was the only one naive enough to not know better) said 'we don't want you to play with us' and got in trouble for bullying. Group decision. MY POINT: That boy SHOULD have been excluded in the short term for tattling—those are kid rules and everyone should follow them unless there is physical danger or a chronic problem. He would have been given a chance again after he learned his lesson—I know these boys—they are NOT mean and rotten. They were peer correcting and got in trouble for it. So that OTHER boy, now in middle school, has no friends because he never learned how to behave, because the no tolerance bullying policy wouldn't allow his peers to train him. [Though admittedly, his chances were low because his mother behaves the same way *cough*]... still, that peer system WORKS. My peers corrected some of MY inherited neuroses...



I don't sound very much like a pacifist at the moment, do I?



I guess though, I am thinking the world is a rough place and we all need a little bit of thickness to our skin. I don't think kids should EVER be allowed to pick on others because of what they ARE (a different race, gender or religion, fat, short, pimply, slow at learning, uncoordinated—even dirty)--those things aren't the kid's fault, but it seems there should be some tolerance for kids to correct other kids BEHAVIOR. ("If you don't stop picking your nose, we won't play with you!") Because eventually, the OTHER kids are going to have a choice who they hang out with... eventually the social time moves away from school.  It is a huge incentive for kids to mature and grow at the same rate as their peers and is absolutely critical to later life where things WON'T be tolerated.



You know what else? Learning to peer correct in an environment where some rules can't be crossed (on a playground) means it is done within boundaries--it doesn't become a fistfight, or one kid at the center of a dozen badgerers. If it ISN'T learned there, people go overboard elsewhere.



So I think these kids haven't learned not to tattle, even though it is the most basic honor code among kids. And I think they haven't had enough behaviors corrected by teachers, so they don't realize one little thing could get them kicked out of school for a few days. They don't self monitor because good behavior has never been enforced, so this little, joking tradition doesn't cross their mind as any worse than things they get away with all the time. I just think we have been rather puritan in how we draw our lines, when in reality, we should be drawing them in ways that make more sense...





The Future of Publishing in this light.



BLEAK. Twenty years from now when these guys are joining the field, I predict they will not have developed the perseverance or thick skin necessary to go through any 'reviewed' process. They may self publish, but I don't even think they will be able to stomach peer review, and their peers will have learned they aren't allowed to be critical, so the quality will be POOR.



I just think it would help the kids, help society and help the future of literature if we reintroduced a little sanity. Establish a tiered system where kids don't get any hard knocks when really small, but that allows some peer correction as they age, then some institutional correction (read: competition--yes, some people have to lose for there to be winners, but losing now and then makes most people work harder) as they get a little older than that. Kids need to LEARN how to push themselves, so this needs to be a SLOPE, not a STEP... right now we expect NOTHING, then suddenly they have to be 100% ready... Everything is either totally okay, or completely unacceptible.



My own world is a little grayer than that.

Amazoning Amazon

So now that the submission period is closed and I’ve gotten a little further into it, I feel like I’m at least not QUITE so clueless as to what is going on…





Eating Crow on the Entrants



(without eating very many of them)

I FOUND some! There are nice people to be met! It still isn’t a forum like the Wizard War back in the day where there was enforced greeting, and requirement of reading everyone’s comments (which made for a DARNED nice bunch of people—hard to say if it is because people self selected if they couldn’t be bothered, or if it just taught people appropriate etiquette), but for the most part the humor is good, the people are inclusive, and I’ve met some nice ones (even noticed one following! *blushes*) The worst of it, is a tendency to just go on with the convo with nobody acknowledging what you said, but I have that happen in real life from time to time… I’m the INVISIBLE Amazon Queen. [in reality, I think people get sucked into a conversation, so don’t even notice].



Anyway, I am doing pretty much all my conversing in a thread at the Amazon BNA site, rather than the CreateSpace, just because I stumbled across a lot of innuendo and it looked like a good time.



The group seems serious about writing, but also fun, and a few have been finalists in past years, which is nice, as they are a resource of sorts when I’m clueless (though I STILL don’t have the answer to my question as to who the heck ‘top readers’ are (they judge round two—the story excerpt (3K-5K words)





Self-Publishing Morass



At CreateSpace more than Amazon, but to some degree on all the boards, I’ve encountered writers of a breed I had NOT before… people dissing traditional publishing, and arguing strenuously for self publishing.



Now I am not one to say self-publishing is NEVER the answer, but I do happen to believe there are PEOPLE self publishing with no business publishing at all, and that gives the product a bad name.



However, there are a few points taken:



1) You sure get to keep a lot more of your sales $. Granted, total sales should be a lot lower, as you only have one sales venue, but it is a pretty big difference.

2) Some great books are difficult to agent/publisher sell because they don’t fit nicely into a niche or have a handy one-line description.

3) (and to me this is sorta big)—once the publisher decides it’s done, your book is OUT OF PRINT and they decide when it comes back in, if ever). With self-publishing, it never is.



That said, nobody is responding AT ALL to *cough*my*cough* accusations about swimming among the filth—there REALLY ARE books that aren’t ready, but an impatient author who hasn’t gone through the full process decides to just self-publish… the review process has a quality control function—and SURE great books miss, and LOUSY books make it through, but I’d bet great books would make it 95% of the time and good books maybe 60% if the author was really persistent, and I only think about 20% of what makes it out there really doesn’t deserve to (and that is EXTREMELY genre biased—I don’t really want to pick on ‘inspirational’ except it deserves it—and then the failings of romance and fantasy I mentioned yesterday)—mainstream? I bet only about 1% of that is sort of lousy, if that. So the success fail rate is pretty good.



Self publishing, I’d bet only 10% of what is out there is fabulous and another 20% good—70% crap. Yes, I’m pulling numbers out of thin air, but I can’t see how it would be otherwise, when I have yet to FIND a self published book that is amazing (not that I’ve persisted after about 10 fails).



That makes it a REALLY RISKY venture… throwing ones self amongst the muck.





My Brain Child



I would STILL love to see a peer review process whereby people could self-publish but stamp a ‘guild approved’ heading on their book: “This book has been peer reviewed by 3 published authors, and editing by an XYZ approved editor”—a guarantee that SOMEBODY is watching the farm, so that readers will feel more confident. I think it would give authors a legitimate alternative, when right now, I honestly don’t feel like (aside from certain genres and extremely timely topics or non-fiction) it currently is ‘legitimate’.



That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

Odd Self Indulgence

It's not a great secret that I've got sort of a... Center of the Universe thing going on.  I've always liked to be the center of attention.  Oddly, it doesn't go with my social skills at all.  I speak slowly (more at the pace a person might type--in fact I speak completely absent of the 'erm's and 'like's that punctuate some conversation... I speak like I type... EXACTLY (thank you Courtney for being the person to point that out--but it's true).  Slow speech does not make for the WIT a center of attention really calls for, yet there you have it.  Oh, sure, I say funny things... but usually about fifteen minutes too late.  It is better geared for an online discussion where I have some time to process first.



Do I have a point?



Two, actually.



I LOVE this blogosphere.  I've met a number of FABULOUS people, and a few kindred spirits.  One of those kindred spirits gave me an award this morning.

I think Jan recognizes in me, something I recognize in HER, only she has a fair bit more wisdom and grace about her.  The award is for people who tell (sometimes not pretty, but necessary) truths.  And I aspire to be that kind of honest.  I have a content label for 'foot in mouth' for a reason.  I am incapable of the politics that require somebody to be diplomatic (or classy, or dignified)... I call a spade a spade.

Don't get me wrong.  Misattribution is STILL among the highest of my callings, but when I misattribute, I try to point out what I am doing, therefore being honest about my exaggeration, rumor mongering, and fictional creations that serve as community service among my friends.  In terms of confronting the publishing industry though, I suppose there are times I should just keep my opinions to myself.

So I feel VERY honored.

Now the rules of the award are to present 10 truths... And because I am who I am, I think I will present things that are CONTRARY to the person I've become.

1)  There was a time I could have thought of NOTHING more glorious than trading lives with Marianne Gravette (a Playboy Centerfold circa 1982).  I had an early dream of modeling.  I was tall enough, but never DID have the boobs.

2)  I was pretty darned involved in Young Life in High School.  It is a Christian youth group made up of very nice people (lots of singing--my favorite part--lots of nice boys to shock--that was good, too).  It just wasn't the 'party crowd' I spent my weekends with, or the rebels I ended up identifying with in the long run.  And my adult views on Christianity would be frowned on--they solidified during grad school (it's common knowledge that only about 5% of people who finish grad school, come out in the same relationship or with their religious views in tact--I figured I was doing good to stay married)...

3)  I was Junior Miss for my home town.  My mother fell under the illusion it meant I would henceforth behave and she could stop worrying. *snort*  My mother seemed not to understand my lack of appreciation for pomp.  I didn't however, shame the title publicly.  I told my aunt recently that it changed my behavior NOT AT ALL and she laughed.

4)  I went to the University of Oregon to rebel(go hippies!), but in 1985 I went through rush because rebelling among rebels means doing something conformist.  (in my defense, I chose the sorority--at least at Oregon, of like-minded women). *chicken dances with fellow Thetas*

5)  In college, though I LOVED the atmosphere of rebellion, I again did the 'prestigious' thing by applying to the school of journalism and majoring in advertising.  I liked being part of an exclusive club.  (the J-school had two 'weeder classes', a test, and a 2.5 GPA required to get in as a junior).  May not sound like a lot, but I had a number of friends who failed to get in.

6)  My college boyfriend was a clingy sort, but, having not had an exclusive relationship before that, I dived in.  We knew each other as 'Nerpo' (me) and 'Gloppo' (him) for two years--it was a strange, codependent mess, but as it was my first like that, I thought it was how it worked, and he was VERY NICE.  Unfortunately, he thought I was too, which I just couldn't maintain... I was really meant to be naughty.  I broke up my senior year.  Had I not, I'd be married to a lawyer now.  Life would have been easier, and I would have been more secretly naughty... probably not good for my soul compared to this open thing. (my hubby now loves who I AM, not who he wanted me to be).

7)  I worked in advertising for 3 years and actually ENJOYED that corporate morass.  I learned a lot and played with the big kids.

8)  While working in advertising, and after losing a significant amount of weight for the first time, I once actually muttered, "you can't be too rich or too thin."  My boss was STUNNED (it was at a corporate Christmas Party)

9)  In that advertising job I represented the local McDonald's operators.  While I maintain that the food is BAD for you, and am not a giant fan of the CORPORATION, I STILL support the owners of the individual stores (about 80% are locally and privately owned)--they are incredibly hard workers, and run tight businesses that give a lot of people opportunities to move up through hard work, which I prefer over the 'charismacratocracy' I think most of the world runs on.

10)  While I am a ME ME ME advocate out loud, always advising people to determine what they can really live with, in real life, I happen to be a little more of a pushover.  I am a nurture over nature person, and almost always give people the benefit of the doubt.  It means occasionally forgiving unforgivables, or accommodating the nuts in my life.  My mother is currently in a waiting period, as was my husband before her, but in the long run, no matter how much I say 'You need to do what you need to do', it seems WHAT I NEED TO DO, is forgive and acclimate.  It has been said that a Crab will lose a claw before letting go, and for this Cancer, it is true.  Once in my life, always in my life, no matter what nastiness you might get up to.

So after that confessional... the contrary things about me... I would like to AWARD the scrappy honesty award to I'M NOT HANNAH.  I have a TON of blogs I love, but this one seems to hold the spirit of just saying it, no matter how much somebody might not like it, or somebody might raise an eyebrow.  An open honesty about life.  That is what I believe this particular award is about.

Back to it...

I'm herding my ducks and in theory, they are in the process of scurrying back into line...  though some seem to be laying down on the job from time to time... but still laying is better than some other things they might be doing...



Let's just hope one lays the golden egg, though I won't hold my breath as... they're ducks... not a goose among 'em.





I suppose I could wax poetic about how badly I hate January, and how GLAD I am to be seeing its backside, though you all KNOW how I am about back sides, and that hating something isn't necessary for me to be pleased to see it...



So all I've got at the mo is a little news:



MY LAPTOP IS HOME!!!!  I had a NASTY virus/worm/parasite thing that each time I'd finally succeed in getting rid of would morph into some other form, so I took it to the vet... erm... computer version of the vet anyway... you know... for computerized ducks... and they reloaded my hard drive... Then it took me ages to remember how to reconnect the wireless to the DSL...



My Husband is Home



Note that was NOT all caps like the computer... you see, a fixed computer has no downside (even gave me an opportunity to reorganize my files).  A fixed husband who is trying to quit smoking is improved, but not without its drawbacks...  I REALLY want him to succeed and be healthy.  I REALLY want him to live a good long time (spent some time this week consoling a daughter who worried he wouldn't see her graduate from college or get married)--those are real fears if he doesn't succeed.  He may be 47, instead of old, but he had been VERY hard on himself for a LONG time.



My Deadlines are Met



In addition to the sick husband which meant I had to take a total of 2 sick days (one and two halves, but I know how to add fractions) I also have a deadline Monday that my boss will prefer to see the product on before I submit, so today was the day.  I made it (barely) but it meant that I've been absent from the internet until NOW.



It doesn't mean next week I can get back to playing at my desk for some portion of the day by any means--I've let other stuff fall to the side to get this done, but at least it helps.





The Wonky Duck

The writing is going to take a while to get back in line.  The book was going slow and I realized it was because I'd forgotten so many details, so before I finish, I am reading the first and second and making a brief outline (about two sentences per chapter) plus making notes on things I know I intended, but have forgotten to include until now.  It will all be better for it.



Oddly, there was a blog today on the agent view of this... just write the first and don't bother with the later ones unless someone wants them.  ARE YOU INSANE?  It is completely infeasible in my mind that three books could flow as a trilogy unless they were ALL done before the rewrite starts.  The point is taken--that if one of these doesn't cut it, you don't want to lose all three, but I refuse to believe a GOOD trilogy can possibly be written in isolation of it's counterparts. 



I recognize I am revealing reading and writing snobbery here (on probably a grandiose scale), but any trilogy written so disconnected from its brothers can't be written WELL (it might be entertaining).  I suppose those super-outliner types might succeed--or a VERY experienced writer--someone super-organized.  But I think most efforts undertaken this way are just books, not literature. 



There... my foot's in it now.  But I suppose if it weren't, you might not believe it was me...

How Long Is Yours?

Some of you may recall my list on Friday of blogs that got me thinking... One of them is a blog topic unto itself... possibly a rant of sorts... not that I have a goal of pissing anybody off, but it is something that has irked me since I started into this publishing morass. Rules, Rules and DAMN Rules. Of all the rules, the one that irks me most is book length. The reason it irks me so badly, is I believe strongly that the length of the book should be determined by how long it takes to tell the story—no more, no less.



And you know what? I don't CARE what genre it is! I don't CARE if romances and mysteries are supposed to come in at under 300 pages. It's crap. If the story isn't complete, then it takes more time to tell.





Predictability Peons



I get that there are some readers who are afraid of a nice fat book. And I myself am a reader that can't bring myself to pay good money for something that looks like I could finish it in a day—takes everything I have, no matter HOW highly recommended, to actually pay money for a book less than 300 pages.

And that's a damn shame. Had I not had a coworker with a copy, I never would have read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It's become one of my favorite books, but I just wouldn't have done it because I have a length bias.



I suppose it is we tarts who like 'em long...



But what I HEAR, is that the genre readers have an expectation and won't buy something that falls outside of that. Now I get how tempting a sure thing is, really I do. But what about appealing to a NEW market? There have got to be people like me who prefer our mysteries with some meat on their bones. I LOVE mysteries... when I can buy them in the mainstream section and they have a nice 400+ page count, because THEN there is character as well as plot.  (I  like them otherwise, but I LOVE them when there is more to them)



I will be honest and say I am still darned picky about my romances, but the handful of romances I've LOVED in my life have been books like The Thornbirds, or Five Smooth Stones—big books that get into deep issues.



So when I read the advice that an Urban/street/literary mix can't go long, even when it was a clean read, it made me want to cry.

We are living in a time when War & Peace or A Suitable Boy could not have been published. Are you KIDDING me? Leo Freaking Tolstoy could not publish a book? And I just have to cry foul, both because this is my favorite author ever, and because I think it means we risk losing something really important if the decisions rule out such works.





My Vision... such as it is





What I would REALLY like to see is a cooperative effort by WRITERS to get some of these worthy works 'approved' in some way that the authors could self publish without the stigma. I get it—publishers can't take the chance because readers really ARE cautious about these rule breakers. But these are the books that stand the test of time—the books that last into the next generation, and longer. There has to be SOME route to get them out there.



What I'm NOT saying, is this is an 'easy way'--self publishing's problems are endemic--the easy way allows through a lot of crap, and I don't want to give credibility to THOSE books that haven't been traditionally published because they aren't ready yet.



I believe the process of peer review is a tough road. I don't think authors should 'be easy on their friends'. I don't believe in a 'tit for tat' system. I think it should be anonymous and VERY tough, but a panel of... say 3-5 authors making a recommendation whether something is ready for publication or not--giving feedback on places it could be improved, regardless of whether any publishing house is ready to take the chance or not, seems like a nice screen so that readers can trust it enough to order a self published book.



I publish scientifically, and it works for that—only sound science, backed up by thorough review of the context, told in readable language is published. Most manuscripts take 3 or 4 rounds before they are accepted. There are actually tiers of journals, with a few only accepting 'the best'--so maybe we have a tiered process here, too. I'm not sure how it would work. I don't have masses of published writers I'm in contact with to get something like this going, but doesn't it seem like in a tightening market, when traditional publishing seems to be getting harder and harder, that something like this might be necessary?



That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

A Peek at the Future

(Thursday style, which you KNOW means naked, but I may not have edjudamakated all of you about the fact that Thursday is also DELUSIONAL)

Yesterday I was going through my email from over the holidays—all the little newsy things I think I should keep up on that I never seem to find time to read, and came to Naked Authors.  I don’t remember which one, but one of them linked this post: Book Publishing Predictions



It got me thinking, which we all know is dangerous. So I invite you now on a little speculation ride, based on some of these predictions.





Background Check



With the idea in mind that the big publishing houses are going to put a lot behind ‘branded authors’ I looked up the top American sellers, just out of curiosity… then I looked up their ages and publishing house, so we could do our supposing with a little information at hand.



The first thing I noticed was an unnatural number of best sellers born in 1947, so noted because my mother was, so it is a year that pops out for me.



1. Dan Brown Age 45 Doubleday (two years and one day older than me)

2. Mary Higgins Clark Age 82 Simon & Schuster

3. Michael Crichton Age 67 Harper Collins *cough* and sadly. Dead.

4. John Grisham Age 54 Doubleday

5. Stephen King Age 62 Scribner

6. Sophie Kinsella Age 40 Black Swan

7. Stephenie Meyer Age 36 Little, Brown

8. James Patterson Age 62 Little, Brown

9. Jodi Picoult Age 43 Simon & Schuster (one month and 4 days older than me)

10. Nora Roberts Age 59 Penguin

11. Nicholas Sparks Age 44 Grand Central Publishing

12. Danielle Steel Age 62 Random House





Notice anything? I did. Lots.



* The best selling authors are pretty darned spread over the publishing houses



* If you drop Mary Higgins Clark, there are two fairly clearly defined generations of authors here. I have no clue why, but it seems John Grisham is the only mid-aged baby boomer writing—you have several first wave (all those born in 47 and then Nora) and you have the post-boom (the ones about my age and younger). I have no clue or speculation on why this is, except maybe the people compelled to write in this age range spent a little time being groovy, instead of finding formulas to become super-hits.



* In twenty years, there will maybe be ONE of those early boomers still writing, but like poor Mary, now, she will be alone on the chart—only saying she because the life expectancy for women is longer…



Now lets be morose for a minute and start killing authors… Crichton is already dead… Harper Collins is out a top 10. Knock off Stephen King and Danielle Steele and you have two more houses with no top authors.



Are these houses REALLY going to put on their eggs in so few baskets? It just seems baffling from the perspective of a rational thinker.





I searched further and from Wikipedia looked at the best selling authors ever. Of those that have sold over $100 million in books only JK Rowling is under 60 (she is 44) (Meyer may have been in that group, but I keep thinking someone will realize she can’t write).





Prediction



In about ten years these publishing houses, if they really follow the predictions set out in the Huffington Post, are going to realize they have an insustainable model (because their reliance on OLD talent will stop being ‘proven’ and start being ‘DEAD’. They will come begging the Burrow and friends to let them buy their novels.



I will of course hold out for a lot of money—they deserve to suffer for being so short sighted, just like the American Auto Industry refused to make small, economical cars in the 80’s and 90’s because they were stubborn, when any idiot could have told them that conservation as a value WOULD return (they killed themselves in the same way many people do—by enjoying their bad habits without thinking about the future) THEN, I will give in, because I will think retiring early from the day job is DEFINITELY overdo, and I will have a stack of twenty or so great books that I’ve been polishing, so I will know I only need to work part time forever more…

At that time, when I am richer than Bill Gates, you are all invited to a really great party on the island I intend to buy in the Caribbean (no clothes allowed, of course).



Better Plans



I would sure love to see a… co-op of authors put together a publishing house that published based on peer review (to be reviewed, you have to review), so there was a quality assurance to customers, and credibility that the books are good, but that it was really about GOOD BOOKS.



I don’t believe for a second that there will be fewer readers in five, ten or twenty years. There should be MORE readers—yeah, I read the failing eyesight of the boomers—so there is an increased market for audiobooks. Bad eyes doesn’t mean they suddenly don’t want a variety of choices. It doesn’t mean they want to turn themselves over to brain-dead TV (heck, they can’t SEE it!). So this idea that it will be HARDER for the public to sort the good from the bad because only a handful will get decent publicity is just a BAD business model.



Another Better Plan.



What about if the PUBLISHING houses gave over to the idea of the print on demand model—they print small runs of LOTS of books, give them some publicity, and give the book stores the ability to print more if they run out—displays hold the ‘store copy’. Customers say, “I want this one,” and everyone is happy—or book stores that see they are running low on a display can print more that night and the next day they are stocked again, but not with so many that they have to DO anything with them.



Because let’s face it, the BIGGEST waste is in those books printed, shipped and not bought, and therefore returned and destroyed. Take that piece out of the business model and we are in profit range again.





In conclusion



I agree with getting rid of huge advances to untested people. Heck, I don’t think TESTED people should get huge advances. I think the money comes when the books sell—that is what is fair. The advance DOES give assurance of promoting, because the publisher wants to make sure they get their money back out of it, but it is GAMBLING. So it seems to me they’ve put the kitty way too high for those big books. I’m just FINE with a five figure advance, thanks.



Dan Brown’s first three books didn’t sell 5000 copies in round one. DiVinci Code came out and suddenly they all start selling. You know what. That is when he SHOULD get paid—when they start selling. It keeps all of us trying for that GREAT book that will get the rest of ‘em reprinted.



What I want to know is, if it is this obvious to me, why is this industry not all over this?

Eating Crow

[No, E.T. not Crowe—better luck next time.]



So my husband would tell you I always insist I’m right, and it’s true. At home, pretty much, I AM always right. And why on earth would I say I was wrong when I’m not, just to convince someone who insists I always need to be right that I don’t always need to say that? If I’m right, I stick to my guns.



But sometimes, if you make a mistake, it is best to just fess up.



A Painful Lesson

My first job out of college I worked at an advertising agency. It was an adrenaline rush of a job, fast paced and mostly satisfying, initially, because I was learning a ton, got to pretend I was rich from time to time (attend events for clients, that kind of thing). Then, 18 months in, the woman two spots above me on my account messed up… bad. She didn’t pay attention to expenses—planned parties that went way over budget… when we reconciled for the year, she was fired.



The guy above me and I were each promoted a slot (me, with some hesitation—I was very green), I became an Assistant Account Executive, BUT, I got dished the budget management for some unfathomable reason (except that I think it was easier to mostly train ME for HER job (with a few schmoozing exceptions), rather than have BOTH of us training for new jobs—plus, I was the excel pro, which when handling a three million dollar, line-item budget is helpful.

I watched expenses. I was careful with how we ordered things that were optional. I put my foot down when our corporate office tried to pass expenses off to my client that weren’t ours (or insisted that expenses that belonged split proportionately across all clients be split that way, rather than mine-the biggest-eating it). I did a good job. But my boss had a business meeting—it was for our client and the travel form said so, but when it was copied and kept in my file, it had part of the reason covered, so it LOOKED like she had done the travel for the corporation the client was part of, rather than the co-op (the co-op was our client—we had to coordinate with the corporation, but those expenses were on them).



I was 23. I was asked by the co-op treasurer what was up and I didn’t know. I said I’d find out, and I asked a question or two, but my boss was out of town and I didn’t get to the answer before the next meeting. I figured ‘I would get to it’ was good enough. At the meeting, he called out the agency because of this one piece of paper with a question mark hanging over it. I was SURE I was going to be fired, but we managed to get the original copy of the form overnighted from LA and show the treasurer to his satisfaction, but my boss was PISSED. She’d been humiliated at a meeting and it was my fault.



I learned my lesson. Just because something is uncomfortable and you are embarrassed, or you don’t know the answer or how to find it, avoiding it can only make it worse. Face it. Own it. Deal with it. It may be fixed, it may not. But I guarantee it will be better than if somebody finds out about it when you DIDN’T own it and try to fix it.



I live by that.





So Yesterday…



This isn’t nearly so dramatic, so you can all sit back down and relax, but it IS a little applied lesson…



I got my request, as mentioned… 75 pages, synopsis, author bio…

Well a ‘bio’ here at the University is pretty much a ‘relevant resume’—we send them with grants and sometimes manuscripts—it is the evidence you are qualified to do what you do. There is something SEPARATE we call a ‘narrative’. After reading last nights ‘author bio’ comments I realized what I really should have sent with my packet was the thing that I think of as a narrative.



And then it occurred to me… I can pretend I never learned, and look like it was an innocent mistake of a rookie (all true) or I can explain and send the right thing, showing growth.



So this morning I drafted an email, with a one paragraph ‘author bio’ that looks more like a book jacket blurb (Joris, I haven’t forgotten I owe you an amusing one—just sort of nuts at the mo, and that is hell on creativity). I think my email both explained, and was a little funny—I referred to my error as nincompoopery, which will either frighten or win over said agent. I also referred to the author bio I sent with the packet as the ‘decoy’.



I figure I’m a playful person, and an agent probably just ought to know that ahead of time because someone who can’t cope with that, isn’t a good fit, but I think the admission of error and immediate correcting speak well for working with me… or that is what I am hoping. Because mistakes happen. Better to fess up, fix it, and move on.



That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.



[by the way, I had a second request yesterday afternoon--only a chapter, but better than a poke in the eye--so 2 requests for more and no refusals--that is the best rate I've had on a query round!  Send two more queries to celebrate)

LAPDANCE Awards

I recognize the delusional moments I have, but I believe that this digression into insanity is marked with brilliance. It began with the idea that some literary agents have a set of rules they live by and they don’t deviate, but many, go above and beyond to help authors get their work out there. There are a number of forms this can take, whether it is taking on a work they know might take some extra legwork to position or sell, working with authors to improve their platform, or helping authors with the marketing of our package, because after all, a good book ought to get out there, and it’s a shame when it gets hung up on the PROCESS.

I thought those ‘Brave Agents’ deserved some recognition--they are helping us, and I, for one, appreciate it--publishers too for that matter. I felt that in addition to that, creating an award would both encourage agents inclined that way anyway, because they are being recognized with gratitude, and I felt it could, in the long run, create a resource for authors… a list of agents who provide helpful resources or take certain kinds of work that are difficult to find representation for. [more on the future plan after the awards]

That was the brainchild… but the acronym took some time. It simmered. It fermented. And by golly, it even took a detour through la-la land. But in the end I’ve deemed that it is rather more amusing than offensive. I worry sometimes that my time spent in the gutter has caused me to see too much through pudding colored glasses, if you know what I mean. But I think I got it (classy Elizabeth likes it, so if you can tickle the classy people… I’m just sayin’).

LAPDANCE AWARDS

The awardees today are all agents who I have not queried, but they have for one reason or other, really touched me… helped me… projected my quest to publication forward by something they’ve provided, and I believe they can help you too, without having to do ANYTHING other than what they do everyday. So to express my gratitude…

JESSICA FAUST: I finished CONFLUENCE in October and then proceeded to spend 6 months with a few rounds of editing and rewriting before I decided to start ‘selling it’, so it was April when I began looking at how to do this. I searched for advice and one of the tags was ‘social marketing’. Timing-wise I hit a blog by Jessica Faust, expressing that social marketing was helpful, suggesting dual FB identities (one for personal, one for professional). She gave her name on FB and said she was happy to friend authors looking to network. For me, this was ground zero. But over and above her openness, she writes a blog, sometimes brutal in honesty, that honestly advises authors on the dos and don’ts of how we approach agents. Jessica, I’d be sitting alone in my basement without you. THANK YOU!

NATHAN BRANSFORD: Nathan is a resource I have run across in a thousand places. He has so many helpful ‘how to’ links at his blog. Up the right side of the page is a link to every how-to any new writer could need. It is SO NICE to have it all laid out there, and I strongly recommend checking him out as a first stop when you have your handy finished novel and are ready to begin down the long, rocky path to publication.

JANET REID: For many of us querying is a thousand times more intimidating than actually writing a 400 page book. Heck, for me it is harder than the 800 page book that I had to shorten to 600 pages! But Janet provides an opportunity to practice and get it exactly right. Query Shark is brutal—I’ve seen her sometimes tell people they don’t have a book, let alone a query, but for those with a decent story, she is a superstar in helping them get that query right.

NOAH LUKEMAN: This last one is going to someone who is no longer taking new clients, but he has put out some free publications just to help those of us looking for agents. I believe that the spirit of helping authors wade through the quagmire is commendable, and I’d like to thank him for these helpful resources.

Nominating for the Future

If you know (or know of) an agent or publisher who has been extremely helpful, taken a chance on a work that for some reason was seen by the masses as difficult to market (especially if it was successful, proving their wisdom), or gone above and beyond in some other way, email me the name and the STORY OF WHY--when I have too many, it is the stories that will determine who gets the award. I don’t know yet how limited it will be--if nomination will mean award, or if I will have to say ‘multiple nominations, or amazing story’--ideally the latter. I would like this to mean something, and it means more if the bar is higher, but it depends on feedback and participation--I have to have a lot of nominations before I can start limiting who is chosen.

Email address: hartjohnson23@gmail.com
Head the email: LAPDANCE nomination

Where the Fruits will be Gathered

I have formed a Facebook group [LAPDANCE Awards] where we can keep archived winners (and why) and have discussions and information organized such that we can look for certain types of agents.

What I need from you

SPREAD THE WORD. Let authors know both about the award and the future resource. Ask them to join us on Face book (how many LAPDANCE groups can there be, after all?) Join the group and let other authors know.

Thank you so much!!!

டிக்றேச்சிஒனரி Penance

My title just morphed to Arabic, but it seems appropriate, so I'm leaving it.

Thursday is the day for my Digression penance… and it seems to me I need it about now. Favorite digressions? Cross dressing and nudity (obviously)


This may not surprise anybody, but sometimes I have a hard time refraining from things that are a bad idea. I don’t like things being out of my control, so I am inclined to press matters, even if I KNOW pressing is only going to force the solution I don’t want. Sometimes pressing serves me well—I’m sure I’ve gotten jobs this way. Sometimes, not so much. So today I am digressing, in an attempt to keep from pestering people.

Why?

I am playing the waiting game on queries. Enough out that I don’t want to send more just yet, too soon to give up, ominous silence…

My first round—pre-shortening, I sent out a total of six queries before receiving the excellent advice that CONFLUENCE was too long. I got back nice speedy form rejections in at least half the cases, and slower form rejections in the others. Only one didn’t respond.


Then there was the hiatus on querying while I shortened. August 11, I began sending a new batch—13 in all. One responded quickly that the agent wasn’t taking any new clients (wasn’t on her website, but hey, I’m sure it isn’t the first time this has ever happened, and at least it wasn’t personal). Tuesday I got a rejection from a boutique agency that I’d figured was a long-shot, but she amuses me, so I’d tried. Eleven are still out there, and so I wait. It’s only just over two weeks on the first half, and only eight days on the final two, but still, I have ants in my pants. A very good reason not to wear pants, I’d say.

So to distract myself, I am pondering this important question…

To snail, or not to snail.

In my first round, all were eQueries. It seemed so much more earth friendly, and I had a bunch of shopping to do before I could really think about the snail mail variety, so anyone who said snail mail only, I put on hold. This round, I did 6 eQueries and 7 snail mail, and you know what? Snail mail feels significantly more substantial. It feels official in some way pressing ‘send’ doesn’t.

I know I read differently on screen than hard copy—I give a hard copy more attention. I think from here on out, anyone who gives me a choice will get the snail (I know that will please Mari, though because she likes snails almost as much as slugs and giraffes, not because she is enamored of the US Postal System).

Wizard of Oz

Dorothy follows the Yellow Brick Road on the rather unknown journey of trying to publish her book. On the way she meets three very supportive friends who give her the emotional grounding she needs to get where she’s going, but they all need something too… they are wandering lost, together, getting into all sorts of trouble.

Dorothy… let’s call her Dorothy the Tart because it has a ring to it… awakens the Scarecrow and the Tin Man… gives them the boost they need to get going. And then gives the Cowardly Lion the spanking he so badly needed to set onto his path. Not bad for a day’s work. But she also gets her dog stolen by the Wicked Witch and falls asleep in the poppies, neither of which she could have resolved without the others… and still they wandered.

Has the metaphor lost you?

Finding the Wizard


Those of us seeking publication are wandering a lost road, with no clue where to go and countless obstacles. We are all looking for the magic solution to our publishing problem. And last night I found the wizard. I ‘attended’ a telephone seminar on promoting your book. Now before anyone gets offended, just let me say… the Wizard may not have been magical, but he DID do a great service to Dorothy the Tart and all her friends. He showed them that within themselves they ALREADY had what they needed (except the Tin Man—he had to wear that dumb necklace). They had within themselves the resources to publish and promote their books—each and every one of them.

DISCLAIMER: The seminar was focused largely on self-publication books, and self-help and non-fiction. I think anyone self-publishing self-help could probably benefit ENORMOUSLY from their plan (and the classes they were subtly trying to sell). But I am going to publish traditionally, and anyone who thinks self-help books are my thing, has not yet had an encounter with my healthy ego. The whole genre bugs me (mostly because it reminds me of my mother, but I digress). I have nothing at all against anyone who reads or writes them, but I am not likely to ever read or write one… so I was not the target market.

First, the Necklace (aka: the useful thing I got that I didn’t have before)

I learned a couple nuggets I HAD HAD NO CLUE about before. The whole focus of the seminar was on ‘holding an event for big one day sales’. Now I’m a marathoner, not a sprinter, so I didn’t really know why this was such a big deal, but HERE is what the big deal is. Best seller lists are generated every freaking day (the Amazon or Barnes & Noble lists) and if you are a best seller for any day, you get to CALL yourself a best seller FOREVER. So if you can do something to make yourself top those lists for just ONE day, you get that benefit, which has a whole bunch of trickle benefits, including generating the buzz to sell more books, and being an incentive to agents and publishers for future books. They recommended a massive promotional effort leading up to a one day event where people do ‘freebies’ with each purchased book only on that day—a good enough freebie to turn a fence-sitter into a buyer, and one that will cause ‘already planned on it’ purchasers to buy that day. They suggested ‘add-ons’ and approached it with ‘when people purchase through Amazon, then they can come back here and download this audio file, or that manual.

While CONFLUENCE has no manual, I thought maybe I COULD create a set of maps or something. I know they won’t publish colored maps in the book, but it is something people might like to have, and I think there are three that would be appropriate—so something like that. (or an author-read first chapter?) Whatever the case, I thought it was a nice idea. They suggested directing it through the Amazon sales one day, and Barnes & Noble the next, so you can make TWO best seller lists… tricky, tricky…

The Brain & Courage

The things suggested to generate the buzz were things that I found myself alternately thinking “I’m doing that already” and “I don’t feel right about doing that.” Like the lion, some of it felt like insecure posturing, but more than that, it felt a little sleazy. I am thrilled with the idea of asking all my Facebook friends to share my promotional message with all THEIR friends—to email out the message to lists of appropriate people if they have them. What felt like it crossed the line for me was more a pyramid sales feeling of using each others lists more heavy handedly.

I’m just not willing to give up my friends like that to merciless sales pitches, so I wouldn’t ask others to do it. If I can generate legitimate excitement and ask a favor, GREAT. If I am guaranteeing a return favor for a product I haven’t even seen yet… not so much.

So… I suppose it was generally useful… definitely worth the price of free. But I am still looking for Glenda the Good Witch and those sparkly red shoes…