Oh, I know... not until tomorrow. But if I don't tell you TODAY, you might waste precious time and not celebrate to the full capacity of the BEST holiday there is!
Anyone who's known me for any length of time KNOWS what this is, because as a dedicated nudist, this holiday and I go... hmmmm all these sayings that seem like they ought to go here are clothing related, and therefore TOTALLY inappropriate... even peas in a pod seem prudish. Hand in hand is okay, but awfully PG... It's like the spicy on a pepper, or the peanut butter on the chocolate... they are just better together!
My InitiationAt the risk of TMI... okay, so TMI is par for the course around here... I was first exposed (pun intended) to the holiday back when I still lived in tiny little Moscow, Idaho. Let me tell you a few things about Moscow, Idaho... it's small (still only 20,000) and the population is approximately 50% agricultural and 50% academic. You heard me... EVERYbody, is either affiliated with the university or farms. No builders. No plumbers. There is one electrician (my stepdad) but he's retired. Nobody works retail. It is entirely agricultural or academic... *cough * I hope you all know when I'm having you on by now, but my exaggeration is smallish.
If you drive in any given direction from Moscow, you hit another (smaller, except in the case of Pullman, Washington, which can likewise NOT claim metropolis status) town and a lot of hills, small mountains, trees... It's really pretty, but if you are a teenager there, there are only so many activities to occupy your time. Some people engage in the mindless drivel of academics, music, sports... but for the most part... There are only a very few activities 'normal' kids engaged in. (and I wholeheartedly PLEAD that you understand I shed my bounds of normalcy... but at the time...) Namely, sex, booze, and rock & roll. You heard me... I was a metal head who drank and screwed in the backs of cars. (In my defense, all the cool kids were doing it) *cough *
The University of Idaho (the hometown university) where I had a lot of friends, had an excellent theory of applying academic concepts to this sex, booze and rock & roll mentality. Never have I seen people apply more creativity and intelligencia to having a good time. I loved the University of Oregon, where I went for my degree, and as an adult, Oregon is HANDS DOWN my preferred state, but UO could not hold a CANDLE to the University of Idaho where getting a party on was concerned. This was the home of frozen hot wheels (thank you, Ned), Crisco Twister, and to my knowledge
(though the posers at Washington State University just across the border are trying to claim it)... Hooray Hooray, the 8th of May. [the University of Idaho and Washington State University lie just 6 miles apart—I know this, as in HIGH school, I periodically went to WSU parties, knowing at the University of Idaho I might see someone who would say, “Hey, she's still in high school”--yes, I was a smart deviant.]
It was among these fellows... (the Idaho ones) that I had my first exposure...
By now, my Intelligent Readers, I'm sure you've GUESSED the nature of Hooray Hooray the 8th of May... It's National Outdoor Intercourse Day! Only over the years, it has become INTERNational Outdoor Intercourse Day..
Do I thought I'd offer up some suggestions, in case you aren't quite as twisted as me (or still have snow on the ground) (or have big giant SNAKES IN CANS—hear that Cher-Bear, I will NOT be having GROUND intercourse in Arkansas! Stand up, sister! Probably wise advice in Florida, too, in case all that noise arouses the Gators!
Sex standing up requires at least one strong, well-balanced participant, so I generally recommend something to prop yourself against. Buildings are okay. Trees too. But both have a rather rough texture. Lawn chairs leave obnoxious stripes (grass leaves imprints AND stains!) Sand will be with you until retirement. So WHERE, pray tell can one have sex outside?
I think my Buddy SteelMagnolia might (or might not) recommend the hot air balloon. Swings can be interesting, though I haven't tried that in my wide-ass life stage... picnic tables, if outfitted with a table cloth are a pretty good option—especially if you've left food props handy. Woohoo! A little honey, a little butter... NOW we're talking! Boats are good—especially if you add a balancing challenge, like in a canoe! A car is not really outside and SOLIDLY cheating. (so is a camper or a tent, though an air mattress under the stars will suffice and is probably the most comfortable option).
The reality though, is you REALLY just need to go into the holiday prepared. TAKE A DAMN BLANKET! All those rough surfaces are no longer an obstacle. In case you are still sure... here are some guidelines...
And MINIONS? This is a holiday FOR YOU! Enjoy it!
